Blue Bird

This song is meaningful to me as it describes what I am currently going through. About 7-8 months ago, one of my coworkers began talking with me a lot more than usual. I thought it was strange, being that he never spoke to anyone at work. Well, it turned out that his wife had recently left him, and for whatever reason, he felt that he could trust me. We talked a lot for the next couple of months. He would sit with me at work for hours, making me laugh so hard. I found myself developing a major crush on him. He is very good looking, and I found myself extremely attracted to him. Not only is he incredible good looking from a physical stand point, he is 'gifted' intellectually, hilarious & great story-teller, plays instruments, has great taste in music, great taste in books, genuinely kind, giving, and caring... etc, etc. I have never met anyone with so many positive traits. I could go on forever. Anyway, he finally invited me over to his house to drink wine and play cards. I went over at about 3:00 PM, and spent probably the next 6 hours laughing uncontrollably, having great conversation, and playing cards. We ended up having sex that night, and ever since, a day hasn't passed without any communication. About 3 1/2-4 months have passed with us having regular sex (~5 days of the week, at least). Over the last month or two, he has also been doing a lot more "relationshippy" things. However, I often feel used, like a "transition girl" guiding him into his next relationship with someone else. I feel so strongly for him that I am too weak to discontinue whatever relationship we might have.

"Is that the devil in your skies Is that what's glowing in your eyes Is it me that wants to leave Is it me that you should deceive"

Rationally, I know that he is probably using me for his own selfish needs. He may be a genuinely kind and caring person, but he is still human. He doesn't want to deceive me, but he does so anyway.

"Is that the devil in your eyes Is that the way I should...be surprised Should I be fooled by you Or should I quit"

I am in denial here. I ask myself if I should be surprised when he tells me that he isn't ready for a relationship, or that this is "just sex", and nothing more. "should I be fooled by you, or should I quit" -- I know that the right thing to do would be to walk away because I will only get more hurt in the long run, but I let myself be fooled into thinking that maybe he will catch feelings.

Is that the devil in your veins Or just some kind of symphony Should I just laugh and pretend you were never clear

--Should I continue the denial, and pretend he never told me that he doesn't want to hurt me, and that it is probably not going to turn into something more?

I'll come around your place And sympathize till your days...gone Till your days...gone

-So I continue to come to his place, listen to him while he cries about his wife, and uses me like a therapist. I care for him so much that I genuinely feel bad, but I'm hurting myself at the same time.

Is that the devil in your face Or just a blue bird that's left his place In your smile that always sets the sun In your tears that never...let me go Let me go Never...let me go Never...let me go

Is he being honest with me? Or am I just his temporary crutch?