Happy Rupert

Yo, if you don't know who this song is for right now...
Then you must be living under some kind of bridge...
Seriously...
(Put your hands up if you celebrate Rupert)
Happy Rupert! Merry Rupert!
It's his own holiday, here's how he celebrates:
Sits on his throne, receives plenty of toys,
He would never give gifts, that does not bring him joy
So Merry Rupert everyone, hope your enjoying the cold,
Rupert don't care at all, he's keeping warm with his ho-ho-hos!
The other day he was laying around, up to no good,
Bored with his life, so then and there he decided he would
Make up a new holiday, get the whole world to join,
Selfishly deceiving them to buy into his ploy,
I'm talking Muslims, Catholics, Christians and Jews,
He don't care who you are, as long as you bring the booze
If you don't, he will put, your life in danger,
After all baby Rupert was born in a manger,
Like Mr. Scrooge, he's seen the ghosts of Christmas Present and Past,
And they all tell him that his future is CASH!
Happy Rupert! Merry Rupert!
It's his own holiday, here's how he celebrates:
Sits on his throne, receives plenty of toys,
He would never give gifts, that does not bring him joy
So Happy Rupert! Merry Rupert!
It's his own holiday, he does things his way:
He lays around, he drinks many-a-beer,
Don't be frontin' ho, that's how he gets that Rupert cheer!
He's making a list to show his holiday is better than Christmas,
Santa only comes once each year, yo, but Rupert comes 24/7/365, so
Hot wheels, Barbies, Cabbage Patch Kids: He wants them all.
But he'll be content with anything containing alcohol,
Since the end of October, he's never been sober,
I personally think his life is one giant hangover
Down he comes through the chimney stealing presents from trees,
Don't you try to stop him, he doesn't need any keys,
See, he lives in the hearts of all the girls and boys,
When you hear your heart beat, that's really Rupert makin' noise!
Pecking away at your arteries and veins,
Causing a ruckus with his diamond platinum chains!
So call his name if you need a helping hand,
He actually doesn't have any hands, 'cause he's always at Sam's!
So go to sleep little children, 'cause Rupert's coming to town,
At the helm of a sleigh with a nose that's red and round,
And bright. THAT'S RIGHT!
So Merry Rupert to all, and to all a good night!
Happy Rupert! Merry Rupert!
It's his own holiday, here's how he celebrates:
Sits on his throne, receives plenty of toys,
He would never give gifts, that does not bring him joy
So happy Rupert! Merry Rupert!
It's his own holiday, he does things his way:
He lays around, he drinks many-a-beer,
Don't be frontin' ho, that's how he gets that Rupert cheer.
(Put your hands up if you celebrate Rupert)
(Ruuuuupert, Ruuupeeert, Rupert)
(Put your hands up if you celebrate Rupert)