Dead Hearts

A very moving story. Really enjoyed reading this in an odd way. I made an account just so I could comment on this. Anyways I can't quite imagine what your going through but I'm glad you shared this and I got to read it. I can't remember the last time I read something like this that touched me on such a personal level. :D

I made an account too, to reply and I cried when reading this because everything thing you said relates to me. I have been coping through this for a really long time mainly through being kind to everyone. I read something a while ago about loving everyone as if shining your love like the sun shines light on everyone. And the process of seeing other people happy makes me happy. I hope this passes over. :)

I made an account to reply to this because this is a very touching story. People come up to me and ask me for help all the time. And i wanted to share some ideas with you because i feel that this may help you.<br /> <br /> You said your scared of going out in public? Well, i was scared of the dark. Not just scared of the dark, the things in the dark also which i couldn't see. And i got over this fear by putting myself in the fear. I went into a cemetery at night and even though i was scared i told myself not to give in because it would only make me weaker. And then i thought of an idea. I said to myself... everyone has fears, and there will be someone who is also scared of the dark and the things in it, And if your both in the dark at the same time... you are both scared of each other. So what i tried to mentally put into my mind is... if i was to not be scared and not fear them and just let them fear me, i will be stronger then them. And eventually over time i got so used to being in the dark i attually enjoyed it and started to just conjure my fear. <br /> <br /> What you need to do is simple. Find somewhere to run to. say outside your house theres a lamp post, run to it and then run back to your house. Keep doing this untill you eventually start to walk it... then you have already made a bit of progress. Then you can try walking to the shop. And once your in the shop... to buy something and talk to the person serving you. Then you have achieved so much just from doing that. I know fighting a fear is hard... but if you dont it will consume you like it has done to you already. That is why its even harder for you to beat this. You must of heard of the saying "what doesnt kill you can only make you stronger" This applies to this... going outside wont kill you if your careful, and setting yourself little challenges to try beat this will be good for you... even if it makes your heart race.<br /> <br /> When i was reading your story i felt sorry for you. Not because your scared of going out in public, because you let a fear consume you. And the fear you feel has beaten you.<br /> <br /> Im also writing because the song you described was very good... and i respect the way you told everyone your feelings even though you felt like people might pity you.<br /> <br /> Just push yourself and you will succeeded.<br /> <br /> Good Luck.

Some say life's meaningless but the meaning of life is what you make it out to be. The only real meaning of life I can think of is to struggle and survive. We derive some satisfactions from these things, and build around us a place filled with people that we love. We survive not only for ourselves, but the ones who love and care for us. And in the environment we live in, there are other complex organisms that live and struggle in their own way too. We are all just creatures in the savage garden trying to carve out a nitch for ourselves. We argue semantics, philosophy, and law because we don't know who we are, what we're set out to do, and how we're supposed to go about doing it.<br /> <br /> Sure we're all fascinated with how the story ends; some of us guess how it ends, others state they don't know, a good amount of people don't care, and some people jump straight to the ending. But there's no reason not to enjoy the middle of the story, the struggle and survival, because in this we see how people can change for the better and worse, the rise and fall of empires, the evolution of language, scientific discoveries, how effective different forms of government are, and many other things. There is so much going on out there that we sometimes don't have time to comprehend it all.<br /> <br /> Life is happening, and your own meaning is out there. But to find it you have to get out there, live, and never fucking stop; no matter how difficult it might seem. Experience new things and meet new people; go on a hike, try out different hobbies, learn a new thing every day, go to the library, smile at strangers and start conversations on the street, etc. If you see someone wearing fan merchandise from something you know /think is cool, approach them about it. I've walked down the street and told ladies that I thought their babies were cute, 8/10 times they'll smile at me. <br /> <br /> There's always will be some beautiful and bright interpretation to something seemingly chaotic. In the middle of a hurricane is the eye of the storm. <br /> <br /> This song is like that. These people are getting back together after some have moved forward. But even though it's hard to know they're out there, hard to know they still care, and all these kids have become dead hearts, they can still be together. <br /> <br /> They can make a new beginning, and fix these broken hearts; never as good as new, but fixed enough to glow brightly with love.

Your interpretation is very similar to mine, though I don't have APD. (I have Depression and Anxiety.) Maybe I'll do a separate post about it...

@Avantan I'm really sorry, that must be super tough. Sharing it on the internet is a good idea, actually, because I s'pose that's not as intimidating.

@Avantan I understand you, I wish I could make you feel better somehow I hate see people sad, and I wish you didn't had to get through this, not alone. I really identified myself in your comment, cause I feel that way. I feel like I'm leaving too many chances in the past and not doing anything to try to help myself.<br /> It's sad because I feel so much miserable, and I don't know where I'm going with all of these stuff gong on in my life.

@Avantan I also made an account just to comment. I feel like your interpritation is amazingly moving. I don't have APD but I do suffer from schizophrenia and paranoia and let's just say that keeping relationships is hard when you're schizophrenic.. In my case at least. I appreciate your strength to type that all out. I read a response of someone else's and in no means do I say this to be rude to them, but sometimes putting yourself in your fears is destructive, especially with disorders fueling them. Don't try to force neurotypical health onto yourself, you can't help your disorder.

@Avantan . It's been a while since I read a quite long article. And once I finish it, It must be very special. I don't think what you are is pathetic. People doesn't normally make accounts just to reply to somebody. With this, I think you're very special - a wonder. I know this post of yours was back on 2012, but, it's still feels as fresh as the sunrise for me. I may not have APD, but I can relate being an introvert. You have a talent for writing here. Focus on that. You don't have to be like anybody else. Trust me. Find your passion and calling. I have a feeling that you are truly in lined with writing. And who knows, in the near future, .. we'll be seeing your works on New York Times Best Sellers. :)<br /> Take care always. God bless! <3

@Avantan You are so brave to share this interpretation online, and I can tell you that interpretations of songs can never be wrong. What are intepretations anyway? They are just all based on our own experiences and what we've been through, and i think being able to see ourselves through songs is beautiful :).<br /> And to be honest I actually teared up reading your interpretation, although I've never met you and probably never will. The way you express yourself and your feelings through words is just so real and touching. And I guess you can also see from other replies that you are being understood, if you've read them :).<br /> In fact your interpretation is what I think of when I listen to this song now. I don't know if you will see this comment, because I'm replying to your past from five years into the future. But I just hope that you'll be happy.<br />