In California

I just realized the "cuckoo" breakdown part happens almost exactly an hour into the album. I don't know if this is intentional, but it's genius.

Corrected lyrics and better formatting:

My heart became a drunken runt On the day i sunk in this shunt To tap me clean Of all the wonder And the sorrow I have seen Since I left my home: My home on the old Milk Lake Where the darkness does fall so fast It feels like some kind of mistake (Just like they told you it would; just like the Tulgeywood).

When i came into my land I did not understand: Neither dry rot, nor the burn pile Nor the bark-beetle, nor the dry well, Nor the black bear.

But there is another, who is a little older When I broke my bone, he carried me up from the riverside

To spend my life in spitting distance, of the love that I have known, I must stay here, in an endless eventide.

And if you come and see me you will upset the order. You cannot come and see me, For I set myself apart. But when you come and see me, in California you cross the border of my heart.

Well, I have sown untidy furrows across my soul, but I am still a coward, content to see my garden grow so sweet & full of someone else's flowers. But sometimes I can almost feel the power. Sometimes I am so in love with you (like a little clock that trembles on the edge of the hour, only ever calling out "Cuckoo, cuckoo")

When I called you, you, little one in a bad way, did you love me? Do you spite me? Time will tell if I can be well, and rise to meet you rightly. While, moving across my land, brandishing themselves like a burning branch, advance the tallow-colored, wall-eyed deer, quiet as gondoliers, while I wait all night, for you, in California, watching the fox pick off my goldfish from their sorry, golden state- and I am no longer afraid of anything, save the life that, here, awaits.

I don't belong to anyone. My heart is heavy as an oil drum. I don't want to be alone. My heart is yellow as an ear of corn, and I have torn my soul apart, from pulling artlessly with fool commands. Some nights I just never go to sleep at all, and I stand, shaking in the doorway like a sentinel, all alone, bracing like the bow upon a ship, and fully abandoning any thought of anywhere but home, my home. Sometimes I can almost feel the power. And I do love you. Is it only timing, that has made it such a dark hour, only ever chiming out, "Cuckoo, cuckoo"?

Cu-ckoo, cu-ckoo, koo, ha-a, ha-hour, ha-a, ha-a [x4]

My heart, I wear you down, I know Gotta think straight, Keep a clean plate; keep from wearing down. If I lose my head Just where am I going to lay it?

(For it has half-ruined me, to be hanging around, here, among the Daphne, blooming out the big brown; I am native to it, but I'm overgrown. I am choked my roots on the earth, as rich as roe, here, down in California)

Some parts of this song confuse me (I don't think any JN song doesn't confuse me... i love it), but I feel like, at times, it is a testament to how geography can play a part in the way you love someone. California is her home and her heart, and her lover (living somewhere that isn't CA) doesn't translate to that part of her life. "When you come and see me in California, you cross the border of my heart." It's almost like there's the California side of her and the other side, and they don't really go together due to timing. I think we all have different sides to us, especially when it comes to being at home versus being out in the world by yourself. I don't know, though, there are probably a million possible meanings to this song... But this is just what I took from it!

now we arrive at the next "chapter": this beautiful piece. the narrator seems to be from milk lake originally, but there is evidence to suggest that she left much earlier, (see: "good intentions paving company," in which she and her lover take a trip back to her "old country" and it completely freaks her out, for lack of better words). she has left her lover, and gone back to california. joanna's from nevada city, as we know, so she does have personal ties to the state. the narrator, however, probably decided to go someplace rural, and does not seem to be familiar with so many things as shown in this verse: "when i came into my land, i did not understand neither dry rot, nor the burn pile, nor the bark-beetle, nor the dry well, nor the black bear." in other songs she mentions all her "finery", etc. she's clearly not quite cut out for this life: she is not afraid of anything, "save the life that here awaits."

i think she fled to a new place not only because she and her lover (temporarily) ended things, but also because she had some things to deal and work through on her own. she wanted to face the issues in her past that made her hesitant to go back to her home. i believe that she does not end up really facing them, as a life in california is the only thing that scares her now.

in this part of the narrative, she turns to drinking in her sorrowful state. although she knows that her former lover was the one that chose to take separate paths, she wants him to come see her in california. in her heart, however, i believe that she knows he does not plan to, and she justifies this by saying that he "cannot come and see [her]." later, she realizes how much she still wants to love him, and she "wait[s] all night" for him to show, even though she knows that he will not.

I notice that there's a Milk Lake that's about an hour east of Nevada City, CA. And I assume that "Tulgeywood" is a reference to Lewis Carroll's Jabberwocky.

This song is so jamp-packed with references to California, it's like she can't help but cram every recognisable emblem of her home state in there, just to express her deep connection to it:

"...nor the black bear", prevalent in southern california and the state emblem

"...watching the foxes pick off my goldfish from their sorry golden state"

"...my heart is heavy as an oil drum" (california being famous for its oil)

"...my heart is yellow as an ear of corn" (the vast golden fields of corn, after which 'the golden state' was named,as well as it's association with sunshine and goldmining)

This song has really grown on me the last few listens.

"my heart became a drunken runt"

"Eventide"

"just like they told you it would just like the Tugleywood"

"untidy furrows across my soul"

"fool commands"

"(for it has half-ruined me, to be hanging around, here among the Daphne blooming out the big brown I'm a native to it, but I'm overgrown On the earth, as rich as roe here down in California )"

From the songbook

This song is really painful, in the best way possible.

Perfect, just perfect.

Anyone else notice how some of the melodies and chord progressions sound exactly like "It Does Not Suffice" and "Baby Birch"? It seems to almost be a medley or homage, i love it!