Never Again (Deger's Lament)

I woke up in a ditch in December
With a needle sticking out of my arm
I had a used condom stuck in my pocket
I thought Skol would never do me harm
And I was freezing because I didn't have a shirt on
Found my bottle just a few feet away
In the middle of a drunk text to Christie
I got my U of I rejection today
I will never drink vodka again
I should stop sticking my dick in my friends
I will never rape a woman again
I'm gonna stick to jerking off instead
Well last night was a night to remember
Too bad I drank a fifth of Jack by myself
And a Coke will never taste quite as good
I stripped down and asked your mother for help
That's when I got kicked the hell out
I guess your dad doesn't think I'm that fun
So I laughed at him and shat on your lawn
So your daddy shot at me with his gun
I will never drink whiskey again
I should stop sticking my dick in my friends....parents
I will never rape a woman again
I'm gonna stick to jerking off instead
I hate my mom
I hate my dad
I hate my friends because they treat me bad
I hate my job
I hate the news
and I hate you too
I hate everybody
I should never drink tequila again
I'm gonna give that shit up if I can
I will never drink captain again
I'm gonna stick to drinkin' beer instead
I will never drink alcohol again
I'm gonna start drinking chasers again
Leave me alone
I'm gonna start drinkin' pepsi
Tell Cathy
To get away from me
I don't care