Ode to Optophobia

If I were a sailor, would you love me?
If I were a banker, would you care?
If I knew how to drive a bulldozer,
Would you let me carry you around the town destorying all the landscape?
If yes, let's meet in the morning
'Cause Halloween is not so far away
And I could be anything you wanted
The magic word is every word, so just say it
If I learned to juggle, would you keep me?
Or take me to fancy parties with you in the spring?
All your big, fat guests over-stuffed with defrosted crab cakes
Would whisper a 'Hush, hush, what a pretty little thing'
And I would be for you
If yes, let's meet in the morning
And race the cars before they go to work
Take a ride in my '95 crowned victoria
Bring you walkman, because my cassette player is broke
If you peed your pants, I'd still love you
If you wanted to be an astronaut, you'd have my support
Like a jockstrap, I would cling to your body
Lapping up all the plastic pain, if you ever got hurt
If no, I'll try again tomorrow
'Cause I only have eyes for you
My prescription isn't quite 20/20
But you're the only thing that's focused in my view
If you wasted your life on luck, I would still love you
If you got into a horse riding accident, I'd push your wheelchair
If you grew to be too old and scared to dream,
I would whisper the wills of the things that you once believed in
Until you fell asleep
If no, I'll wait until you're ready
And feed the fish until you came back home
When obcessed with a man, what is a girl to do?
And dress up cardboard cutouts and pretend that they are you
You make a fine dance partner
If yes, let's meet in the morning
If no, I'll see you soon