Mom Was No Fat Broad

She said it's not drug abuse,
They're diet pills, was her excuse
Nobody wants a woman with a big caboose.
(You must forgive your mom)
She cleaned the house in half an hour,
Mildew didn't have a chance in the shower
My mom was always higher than the ol' Sears Tower
(Responsibility that sickens your heart)
Ooh-ooh-ooh-oooh-ooh
My mom was no fat broad...
Ooh-ooh-ooh-oooh-ooh
My mom was no fat broad...
She tied the tubing for a bulging vein,
Hit that mainer then she sped away
Like the white tornado of Avenue A
(Your mother was very unhappy)
Ooh-ooh-ooh-oooh-ooh
My mom was no fat broad...
Ooh-ooh-ooh-oooh-ooh
My mom was no fat broad...
Oompah doompah doompah doompah-dee doo...
Fear of bulbous rollin' round
Lookin' like Augustus Gloop
It's the runway model vogue
That made my momma swallow you
My momma's little helpers got her mind crazy, singin' the blues
She kept her stash on top of the fridge,
I tried to flush it down the toilet one time I was six
I still remember the fit that she pitched
My mom was not fat!
(...She was nuts.)
They took the gurney down the stairs,
and the policeman said
That I could ride with him in his front seat
He said, "My little man, your mom is at peace."
My momma was no fat
Momma was no fat
Mom...
My mom was no fat broad,
My mom was no fat broad...