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Autoclave Lyrics
Hand me your hand, let me look in your eyes
As my last chance to feel human begins to vaporize
Maybe it's the heat in here, maybe it's the pressure
You ought to head for the exits, the sooner the better
I am this great, unstable mass of blood and foam
And no one in her right mind would make my home her home
My heart's an autoclave
My heart's an autoclave
When I try and open up to you I get completely lost
Houses swallowed by the earth, windows thick with frost
And I reach deep down within, but the pathways twist and turn
And there's no light anywhere, and nothing left to burn
And I am this great, unstable mass of blood and foam
And no emotion that's worth having could call my heart its home
My heart's an autoclave
My heart's an autoclave
I dreamt that I was perched atop a throne of human skulls
On a cliff above the ocean, howling wind and shrieking seagulls
And the dream went on forever, one single static frame
Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name
And I am this great, unstable mass of blood and foam
And no one in her right mind would make her home my home
My heart's an autoclave
My heart's an autoclave
As my last chance to feel human begins to vaporize
Maybe it's the heat in here, maybe it's the pressure
You ought to head for the exits, the sooner the better
And no one in her right mind would make my home her home
My heart's an autoclave
My heart's an autoclave
Houses swallowed by the earth, windows thick with frost
And I reach deep down within, but the pathways twist and turn
And there's no light anywhere, and nothing left to burn
And no emotion that's worth having could call my heart its home
My heart's an autoclave
My heart's an autoclave
On a cliff above the ocean, howling wind and shrieking seagulls
And the dream went on forever, one single static frame
Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name
And no one in her right mind would make her home my home
My heart's an autoclave
My heart's an autoclave
Song Info
Submitted by
mdon06 On Nov 28, 2007
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I disagree on the song being about self-loathing or fear of opening up. This is the surface imagery, yes, but not what the song ultimately builds to.
On the surface the speaker thinks he's destructive and toxic to life and relationships (no woman and no emotion stay with him and still be real) - on the other hand he conveys this in intensely selfaggrandizing imagery, "a great unstoppable mass" "a place where everybody knows your name" and equating his 'destructive' heart (i.e. his emotional intensity) not to toxins, but to something used to purify, an autoclave. The chaos of the second verse is what happens when he tries to share that self-image with others: they don't see him as the great unstoppable thing he thinks he is, and so he winds up lost and in chaos until he can purge the relationship ("nothing left to burn", "no emotion worth having") and be the pure thing he considers himself again.
So, while on the surface it seems to be about self-loathing and loneliness, the undertone is that he is lonely because he feels so intense and so righteous at heart that no-one else can survive exposure to his true feelings (the autoclave). It's not about self-loathing: it's about a narsicistic personality justifying and protecting it's own grand self-image by alienating everything that threatens to expose it as just human (be it romantic partners or his own common sense).
I just re-listened to this the other day and thought the same thing! I was reading a lot about narcissists and Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and this song seemed to me to be absolutely written from a narcissist's point of view (if they had the ability for self-reflection anyway).
I just re-listened to this the other day and thought the same thing! I was reading a lot about narcissists and Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and this song seemed to me to be absolutely written from a narcissist's point of view (if they had the ability for self-reflection anyway).
@delay "...equating his 'destructive' heart (i.e. his emotional intensity) not to toxins, but to something used to purify, an autoclave." You and I think autoclaves do different things. I think an autoclave is meant to kill bacteria and fungal spores. I think that in this song, he's comparing his heart to an autoclave because it kills everything it comes in contact with.
@delay "...equating his 'destructive' heart (i.e. his emotional intensity) not to toxins, but to something used to purify, an autoclave." You and I think autoclaves do different things. I think an autoclave is meant to kill bacteria and fungal spores. I think that in this song, he's comparing his heart to an autoclave because it kills everything it comes in contact with.
"This song is about how when people say to you that they understand what's going on with you... and you want to say to them, 'If you understood what was going on with me, then you wouldn't be at my house.'" http://youtube.com/watch?v=8cxmFCS1aTY
I believe it's a warning song to a potential mate about his inability to open up, and how he's sure he's only going to hurt her. His heart is an autoclave because it appears sterile to the one closest to him.
john darnielle and jeffery lewis made a comic explaining each song on the new album, you can look at it here:
http://www.thejeffreylewissite.com/Mt-Goats-Press-Kit-08.html
autoclave: "a strong, heated container used for chemical reactions and other processes using high pressures and temperatures..."
"Maybe it's the heat in here, maybe it's the pressure..." Love it.
When I saw them in concert before Heretic Pride came out, they played this and John prefaced it by explaining pretty much what's on the press-kit cartoon: that he had read about some types of life that thrive in an autoclave. That context always gave this song a more hopeful message for me than I think is in the lyrics by themselves - the speaker's heart's an autoclave, but, while the lyrics don't make this clear, there are some things (bacteria, emotions) that would call his heart their home.
Anyway, I love this song. I really identify with it.
I get this, but with a bit of a twist. There are SOME bacteria that can survive, and indeed, thrive in an autoclave atmosphere, but most will die.
I get this, but with a bit of a twist. There are SOME bacteria that can survive, and indeed, thrive in an autoclave atmosphere, but most will die.
There are also SOME people who would be able to love that person, though most will not.
There are also SOME people who would be able to love that person, though most will not.
i have borderline personality disorder and this song is almost spot on what its like having it. failing at relationships because you dont think youre good enough and youre scared of impending abandonment. exploding at really small events and cycling between euphoric and major depressive mood swings. empty all the time. cant handle being alone and cant handle being with people. uncontrollable rage, JD touched it all. i think he did it on purpose but hes not going to tell people 'hey this song is about bpd
I can't help but think about Cheers when he sings that one line.
The last few seconds at the end make the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.
It isn't the bright mountain choir that does additional vocals on this track. The bright mountain choir adds vocals to new zion, how to embrace a swamp creature and marduk t-shirt men's room incident
this is weird, so many posts and just 2 with info on the song i agree with splintercat, kinda an autoclave is a medical device used to sterilze equipment nothing is able to live inside an autoclave john (or whoever is singing) is saying that no one would want to reside in his heart somthing so vile can not have anything living in it i may be wrong, but the line "maybe its the heat in here, maybe its the pressure" could be about that feeling you have when you're in love, the way that you feel your heart building pressure its just a thought