This is a hauntingly beautiful song about introspection, specifically about looking back at a relationship that started bad and ended so poorly, that the narrator wants to go back to the very beginning and tell himself to not even travel down that road. I believe that the relationship started poorly because of the lines:
"Take me back to the night we met:When the night was full of terrors: And your eyes were filled with tears: When you had not touched me yet"
So, the first night was not a great start, but the narrator pursued the relationship and eventually both overcame the rough start to fall in love with each other:
"I had all and then most of you"
Like many relationships that turn sour, it was not a quick decline, but a gradual one where the narrator and their partner fall out of love and gradually grow apart
"Some and now none of you"
Losing someone who was once everything in your world, who you could confide in, tell your secrets to, share all the most intimate parts of your life, to being strangers with that person is probably one of the most painful experiences a person can go through. So Painful, the narrator wants to go back in time and tell himself to not even pursue the relationship.
This was the perfect song for "13 Reasons Why"
I've got to climb to the top
Never stop til I reach it
Til I feel that I'm good and that I'm in control
Of life and my thought
When I'm not I still preach it
Cause they're all gonna see if I start to fall or lose control
I'm losing control of this
I've been balancing on suspended pianos
And trying to appear composed
It makes the loudest noise when they begin to crash
With eyes on me I force a laugh
You come to me and set me free
Cross my arms across my chest
This is not a gift I can accept
But I appreciate the sentiment
I worked too hard for righteousness
To just lay down while You hand me this
And put my faith in something You call grace
From You
I've been lost inside a cave without a lantern
At every sound I start to run
Feel my way around the dark without a pattern
If I would wait You'd come
To rescue me and show the way
Cross my arms across my chest
This is not a gift I can accept
But I appreciate the sentiment
I worked too hard for righteousness
To just lay down while You hand me this
And put my faith in something You call grace
From You
Son, you're trying to earn
What is far beyond you
Son, you're trying to earn
What is freely given
Every time that you try to just reduce
This to a give and take
You spit in my face
And tell Me that this blood was shed in vain
Never stop til I reach it
Til I feel that I'm good and that I'm in control
Of life and my thought
When I'm not I still preach it
Cause they're all gonna see if I start to fall or lose control
I'm losing control of this
I've been balancing on suspended pianos
And trying to appear composed
It makes the loudest noise when they begin to crash
With eyes on me I force a laugh
You come to me and set me free
Cross my arms across my chest
This is not a gift I can accept
But I appreciate the sentiment
I worked too hard for righteousness
To just lay down while You hand me this
And put my faith in something You call grace
From You
I've been lost inside a cave without a lantern
At every sound I start to run
Feel my way around the dark without a pattern
If I would wait You'd come
To rescue me and show the way
Cross my arms across my chest
This is not a gift I can accept
But I appreciate the sentiment
I worked too hard for righteousness
To just lay down while You hand me this
And put my faith in something You call grace
From You
Son, you're trying to earn
What is far beyond you
Son, you're trying to earn
What is freely given
Every time that you try to just reduce
This to a give and take
You spit in my face
And tell Me that this blood was shed in vain
Lyrics submitted by bcpenna
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I edited the lyrics. These are the lyrics from Cool Hand Luke on their myspace. :)
I think the line that says "I cross my heart and I cross my chest" should read, "I cross my arms across my chest" (I.E. stubbornness).
Also I believe the line that says "Because I've been trying to learn what this feeling gets love" should read "I have been trying to learn what is freely given." (I.E. Grace).
Also, the line that says "trying to a decompose" They actually say "trying to look composed"
This is a great song about a man who is struggling to give control to God. He wants to earn his rightousness because of his pride instead of accepting God's free gift of Grace.
This is the link in where Mark explains the meaning and the background of the song youtube.com/watch
And this is pretty much it written out.
Part of this song, along with the album artwork is based on a dream Mark had. He had a sense of urgency to get somewhere fast and he was at this crowded place, type of festival type thing. There were pathways and then these grand pianos suspended by hooks and he decided to climb on the grand pianos and they started falling while he ran. He just felt foolish, but wouldn't swallow his pride and get down. There was a girl and her mother pointing at him and he just nervously smiled and played it off like it was part of his plan.
And from this dream, God taught him (which also can apply to the rest of us):
We have this overwhelming sense of controlling things so that we are seen as good Christians that understand theology and have it all together, but we are weak, broken, and hurting and have completely no control over our lives and what happens. But there is freedom in the gospel and that Jesus died for us and we're freed from all the things we're chained to. And our standards don't have to be that of American society or the media. Our standards should be only Christ's. We can't live perfect lives, and Christ knows that and he died for us, but we keep finding ourselves scrambling to read a certain amount of scripture, pray a certain amount of prayers, and know a certain amount of things so people will think we're good people. A way to maybe pay God back in a small way for everything he's done for us, but it's all rubbish. God doesn't need anything that we have, because he gave us everything we have. And that is the good news of the Gospel.