Baseball Playing Spiders

He has eight eyes you have two
He sees things differently to you
You have two legs he has eight
He leaves the dug out and he’s heading for the plate
He finds his place to face the mound
Then turns his hat the wrong way round
He’s lining up his little bat
He keeps one eye out for the cat
Baseball playing spider
Baseball playing spider
Baseball playing spider
Baseball playing spider
The rumour is he took a bribe in 1992
Then ended on the winning team, that’s not the thing to do
They beat him up and stole his wages
They broke his legs, it took them ages
Baseball playing spider
Baseball playing spider
Baseball playing spider
Baseball playing spider
He didn’t want to go to war
The thought of dying made him sick
Said he was clinically afraid of killing Arabs
He was Iraq-nophobi-ic
(All the girls say hello, all the men say hello!)
(All the girls, this is your bit)
Baseball playing spider….
(that’s lovely)
(a little bit louder)
Baseball playing spider…
(now harmonise!)
Baseball playing spider…
(too many legs)
(washed away!)
(washed away on a sea of beauty!)
(that’s perfect, now shut up)
(All the men, this is your bit. Men’s bit more complicated obviously. Who says we can’t multitask? I can clean my teeth and urinate at the same time.
I don’t always mean to. That was another Alpha course I was asked to leave)
Set ‘em up and I will drink up and I will drink ‘em all
Set ‘em up and I will drink up and I will drink ‘em all
(Perfect! Men so much superior to the women it’s unbelievable!)
(So the women are gonna start and the men will start half way through, it’s a metaphor for life)
Baseball playing spider
Baseball playing spider…. (too many legs)
Baseball playing spider…. (a little bit louder)
Baseball playing spider…. (Set ‘em up and I will drink up and I will drink ‘em all)
Baseball playing spider…. (Set ‘em up and I will drink up and I will drink ‘em all)
Baseball playing spider…. (Set ‘em up and I will drink up and I will drink ‘em all)
Just me now
Now the coach sits all alone
In the expensive mental home
Wondering why he ever played a spider in the first place
Baseball playing spider
Baseball playing spider
Baseball playing spider…. (Set ‘em up and I will drink up and I will drink ‘em all)
Baseball playing spider…. (Set ‘em up, set ‘em up)