If the Brakeman Turns My Way

I am a recovering opiate addict (that still sounds weird - funny where life takes you), and someone who became a dear friend insisted I listen to this song ... at the time I wasn't even quite 48 hours off and was feeling sick as hell, he was five days ahead of me in the process. I'd never been much of a Bright Eyes fan before, but this song just hit all the right notes for me at that moment and every one since then.

This song is about recovery, about finding the strength to control what you can and to accept what you can't. And its about how sometimes you can only get better by getting away ... day-to-day routines can be the achilles heel of someone trying to kick a habit, because the cues to use are everywhere. Sometimes in order to get better you have to let go of those routines and throw yourself into the hands of fate ... letting hope prop you up until you are strong enough to stand on your own.

Its been 10 days now; I haven't cheated once. I listen to this song every day as a simple reminder of what I am working towards. And I'm planning a road trip - to meet my friend and fellow traveler, to visit places I've felt tugging on my heart for some time and to simply clear my head and remind myself of all the beauty and wonder there is in this world that makes life worth living.

Thanks, Conor. From the bottom of my heart.

The song is about a near overdose on cocaine. Conor has fought with addiction for a while, there are numerous references in past songs, as is this song. When you overdoes you heart races, you panic, you breath heavy, and pretty much feel like your going to die.

Here are a few coke references from various songs.

"So we can talk in circles around a dirty mirror Night trickles down our throats" -Well Whiskey

"And your parents noticied your thinning face All the weight you lost All the weight you are losing"

• A line allows progress, a circle does not (title itself is a reference)

"Because we paint the foil with the flame Smear the soda, taste butane"

• Down a rabbit hole

"And all those white lines that sped us up" -Gold Mine Gutted

"Stab the ice with a straw" -hit the switch

"You said they laid out lots of coke But you don't know how much you did" -I'll be your friend

"You're looking skinny like a model With your eyes all painted black Keep going to the bathroom Always say you'll be right back Well, it takes one to know one, kid I think you've got it bad But what's so easy in the evening By the morning's such a drag" -Lua

"I wish I saved up for rainy days Because they're the hardest to be dry I got no self control I'm always begging into telephones I bought a little from my brother's friend Well, just to get me by I don't trust his cut The effect is never as high as the mark-up"

• Spent on rainy days

"I get cocaine from this girl I met"

• The Joy in Forgetting...

"she always wants to know where her money goes but will shell it out for filling up her nose"

• Desaparecidos - Hole in one

"Coca-cola dripping down my throat"

• Not sure which song

"And a season to sleep And a place to get clean"

"Full of fever dreams that scare me sober Into saltless dinners"

• Cleanse song

also I'm wide awake it's morning

Some of these might no seem clear to people who have never used cocaine, but if you have you understand everyone of them

It is so interesting that at the final chorus the singers switch their positions. I'm not sure what it means, but it is subtle and brilliant

when i first heard this song i thought the first verse was a reference to conor's panic attacks

This is certainly my favorite Bright Eyes song, possibly the best written song I've ever heard (because it is so ambiguous). The points ya'll have made make sense, but I don't think they're totally right. The hobo thing thing is entirely possible, but for me this song is clearly about wanting to overcome a bad stimulant (coke, crack, meth, whatever) addiction and finally start living the life you dreamed of. If anyone has ever nearly overdosed on any of those drugs, didn't die, came down, and then realized how fucking stupid you were, the first two paragraphs of this song would give you chills. To give my little thesis some validity... when you do way too much of an upper (even something tame sounding, like adderall) your heart starts beating totally out of tune, or the wild paranoia make you think it does, at least...you honestly feel like you are going to die, and it is terrifying. When this happens, sedatives (downers) are the only thing that can help calm you. I guess I'll quit rambling now, but read the whole song and think about it. "Leveling Out" means coming down and staying down, for good. A real brakeman is the guy who switches the path of train tracks. This "brakeman" is a new, drug free path of life. With all the obvious referances to uppers (coke/crack) on Digital Ash (Gold Mine Gutted, Down in a Rabbit Hole), perhaps Conor has realized his need to "level out."

by the way, the Paris of the South is a nickname given to Beunos Aires, Argentina...perhaps him saying he wants to go somewhere new, get away from his drug dealers and old life or whatnot. If you think I'm nuts, it's fine...but that is what this song will always mean to me.

(:

Conor, like all good artists, writes songs that can be interpreted in many different ways. For example JohnnyB3 sounds like he is speaking from experience with drugs, because of this he takes that meaning from the song. For me, i have a problem with anxiety and depression, so the first verse with "when panic grips your body" and "every reassurance just magnifies the doubt" really resounds with me. Conor hardly admits to any particular meanings in his songs because that would cheapen them. Truth is only what you accept it to be anyway.

I just got the LP in the mail today. Kickass.

this song is reallyyy good

This is a great song. I love hte lines: All your friends and sedatives mean well but make it worse / Every reassurance just magnifies the doubt

this album has been leaked? can someone please put up a link to where i can get it? i cant find it anywhere..