The Talkin' Song Repair Blues

The mechanic raised up from under my head
And he shook his head, and said, "This ain't good
The timing belt's done shrunk one size too small
Those spark-plug wires are a little too long
And your main prodsponder's nearly gone
Your injector ports are stripped, and that ain't all
The torque converter's running low on torque
And that water pump's nearly down a quart
We caught it all in time, so you're in luck"
He said, "I've got the time, and I've got the parts
Just give me the word, and I'm ready to start
I think we can bring her in for 800 bucks"
But don't be downhearted
I can fix it for you, sonny
It won't take too long
It'll just take money
Then he said, "Ain't you that songwriter guy?"
I said, "Yes I am"
He said, "So am I"
And he sat down and played me a song by the grease rack
When he finished singing, he gave me a smile
And I closed my eyes and pondered awhile
And he said, "What do you think?
Now, don't hold nothing back"
Well, I gave him my most sorrowful look
And said, "This song's got a broken hook
I can order you a new one from Nashville, but it won't be cheap
And I know you've been using a cut-rate thesaurus
'Cos your adverbs have backed up into your chorus
Now your verse is running on verbs that are way too weak"
And I said, "Hold on friend
Now, I'm not through
I hate to be the one to give you the news
But your whole melodic structure's worked itself loose
It's got so many dotted eighth notes in it
I'd keep her under fifty beats per minute
I mean, that's just me talking
It's really up to you
And you've got a bad safety problem with that dominant chord with the augmented fifth
Just see how dangerously high it rises you up
So just go on over there and work on my car
I'll sit here by the fan
And chances are I can straight this thing out for eigh...900 bucks"
But don't be downhearted
I can fix it for you, Sonny
It won't take too long
You guessed it
It may be a hit
I like it