The Goods

Jerry:
Take a look at this girl
That's everything I like
She got the face, she got the waist
She got the legs
Malcolm:
Naw, her tits are too big
Jerry
What are you, crazy?
Bodacious funbags are a must!
They gotta be C or D or better
They gotta post a threat to the sweater - ow!
She got the goods!
That's an eight or nine at least
She got the goods
Horse:
Let me see that
She has some irredeemable flaws. I give her a six.
Ah - now there's a ten!
Jerry: (spoken)
You call that a ten?
Horse:
Based on the booty
Jerry: (spoken)
What do you mean? It's huge.
Horse:
She got a butt like a battleship!
I don't need to look above the hip
(spoken)
She got that shelf kinda ass ... you could display your tchotchkes, your collectibles on there.
(sung)
Baby got back. That's a fact
You could park a wide-track Pontiac in that crack
Now that's the goods
The bigger the cushion -
Jerry: (spoken)
She's got a sofa-bed back there!
Dave: (spoken)
Well we just better hope the women are more forgiving than we are.
Horse: (spoken)
What is that supposed to mean?
Dave: (spoken)
If they're looking at us Sunday night the way we're usually looking at them, we're in trouble.
Nightmare Georgie:
Take a look at that Opie-looking jerk with the pigeon chest!
Nightmare Pam:
And I give that fat guy's ass a two
But I wish I had such voluptuous breasts
Nightmare Vicki:
And what about old Father Time over there?
Yeah, sure he can dance
But I didn't pay twenty bucks to look at
Red Foxx skip around in a pair of
Blue underpants
Women:
That ain't the goods
Dave: (spoken)
What happens when they say that?
Women:
This is not the goods!
Nightmare Estelle:
He's fat, he's old, he's skinny, he's bald
He's short
He's got pimples on his ass
Women:
He's fat, he's old, he's skinny, he's bald
He's short
He's got pimples on his ass
Men:
Women can be lovers
Women can be pals
Women can be modern types
Or sweet old-fashioned gals
Women can be angels on earth
But then again
Holy goddamn fucking shit...
Women can be men
Women:
He's fat, he's old, he's skinny
He's bald, he's short
He's fat, he's old, he's skinny
He's bald, he's short
Harold:
I've got pimples
All over my ass!!
Look at it! Jesus!
That ain't the goods
Women:
He's got pimples
All over his ass
That ain't the goods
Horse:
I feel extremely insecure
All of a sudden
Dave:
What am I doin' here?
Men:
What am I doin' here?
What the hell am I doing here
All:
This ain't the goods