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The Slacks Lyrics
Can I tell you a romantic story?
About the one-eyed lady in France
I guess the king decreed, that all the various princes
Should try to get inside her pants
So along came a St. Paul dandy
He was six and a half feet tall
He said "All the little ladies love roses"
She took the roses and that was all
The next man for the one-eyed lady
Was my dignified brother Dan
He said "Bring the little woman some kisses and attention"
She wouldn't even shake his hand
Then I moved into the picture
I was wearing these magic pants
I said "Let the blind bottom of my body do the talking"
She fell into a magic trance
I wore the pants
I said relax
We did a dance
They call the slacks
Now let me tell you the truth of the story
It was me moving in those pants
Matt said the way to her heart is through her tummy
And then he took her out to restaRANTS
Could you both turn down the distortion?
Cause you know I wore the pants
You were both laid out on the floor with no protection
In a deep, dark, watery trance
I wore the pants
I said relax
We did a dance
They call the slacks
About the one-eyed lady in France
I guess the king decreed, that all the various princes
Should try to get inside her pants
He was six and a half feet tall
He said "All the little ladies love roses"
She took the roses and that was all
Was my dignified brother Dan
He said "Bring the little woman some kisses and attention"
She wouldn't even shake his hand
I was wearing these magic pants
I said "Let the blind bottom of my body do the talking"
She fell into a magic trance
I said relax
We did a dance
They call the slacks
It was me moving in those pants
Matt said the way to her heart is through her tummy
And then he took her out to restaRANTS
Cause you know I wore the pants
You were both laid out on the floor with no protection
In a deep, dark, watery trance
I said relax
We did a dance
They call the slacks
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Live, this song was an absolute riot. The group made it a one-upsmanship fest of machismo as they tried to outdo each other in the story, which is basically three suitors for the same woman, each one insisting that he won her. I've never seen an argument in song before, and this group pulled it off wonderfully, insulting each other in the verses, then dancing in sync the sideways-hoppin' (it was a smal stage) "The Slacks" dance. It was this song that sealed the deal for me on Trip Shakespeare the first time I saw them, at Chicago's Cubby Bear those many years ago.