How to Get Your Band on Television

Product sells, people die
Same manipulation wrapped in lies
Give a little money and play your rock and roll
The biggest prizes to the biggest fools

Good evening ladies and gentlemen
Welcome to the show where you the audience participate
On our show tonight we got lots of surprises in store for you at home
In keeping with the fashion for charity, not change
Here's out contribution--we've called it Slag Aid
For every pop star that we slag off today
A million pounds will be given away

Paul McCartney - come on down
With crocodile tears to irrigate this ground
Make of Ethiopia a fertile paradise
Where everyone sings Beatles songs and buys shares in EMI
Charity, starvation, and rock and roll
Let it be, eh Paulie?

Freddie Mercury, this is your life
Thank the Lord that you were born white
And thank apartheid for this wonderful opportunity
To peddle your hypocrisy in Sun City
A bit of a hot potato in a moment, eh Fred, in South Africa?
Well I'm sure there's a video in there somewhere

David Bowie, the price is right
A suitful of compassion and a gobful of shite
Still the voices of those who doubt
Coca-Cola for the peasants to end this drought
David the world can only take so much
And with you around, we're in for a really hard time

Jagger and Richards, game for a laugh
Dancing us down the garden path
To a place where money grows on trees
Where cocaine habits are financed by hunger and disease
There's only one mountain in the rock and roll business
Ladies and Gentlemen, and it's Mick Jagger

Ask the puppet-masters who pull the strings
Who makes the money when the puppets sing
Ask the corporations where does the money go
Ask the empty-bellied children what are we singing for

And Cliff Richard, three, two, one
The God who remains when the religion's gone
Cliff, we've got a special surprise for you today
So come up closer, step this way
Cliff, you're such an example of moral worth
Such a purist saint come to bless our earth
That on behalf of our viewers watching on telly
And on behalf of the millions with empty bellies
We're donating something special that we're all going to like
Cliff Richard, we're going to nail you up to a cross tonight

Ladies and gentlemen, just imagine it, someone comes along, takes everything you own, your space, your house, separates you from your family and then hits you in the face if you say anything different. Well, that's what we've been doing to the third world for the past four hundred years. That's you and me. You the viewers at home, me in the studio, the pop stars, everyone.
That's how we make the third world, every day, today and every day. If you want any correspondence
With the program, just send your answers, letter bombs only, to BP House, Victoria Street, London,
SW1
Thank you and good night
Feed the world
Starve the rich
Goodnight

I know there must be more
I know there must be more
Than giving just a little bit more
When half of this world is so helplessly poor
Starved of the real solution
Charity and tradition
And the cycle of hungry children
Will keep on going 'round
I know there must be more
Will keep on going 'round
I know there must be more
Will keep on going 'round
I know there must be more
'Till we burn the house of commons to the ground