too late

The gun was in my hands
I tried to shoot the moon and missed
By a long shot
Funny how fear has a boomerang effect
You rid yourself of it hastily
Turn around only to swallow it
I pretended not to care
I thought it was better for both of us
I didn't want you to struggle
Everyone shook their heads and told me "it's for the best, time will heal your pain, you'll realize..."
My perception was off
I should have trusted us and never them
Now i see what they denied
I was holding your hand, not holding you back
I don't sleep, all of the old melodies haunt my dreams
I panic when i feel your rhythm in my veins because i know it will only disappear with the dawn
And now, at 18, i don't give a fuck if our parents disapprove
I love you, FAAD
Two years too late
You ran so far
I could always find you
I could always feel you
Now I'm numb
I'd cry if i could breathe
I scream and emit no sound
My oxygen is gone
You're gone
I loved the way i felt under your hands
I close my eyes and ache for those phantom traces of you
Two famous words, I coined the damned phrase...I feel it, sweetheart, I feel it
can you feel me?
I taste it
Bitter gall
I swallow it for you, love
choke on my self-manufactured poison
live in my self-constructed prison
in my fabricated room
waiting for you
you have the key
and no one else could do
i'll wait
i'll die waiting
i surrender
i'm yours at night
and i don't dare close my eyes
your apparition is my only comfort
i feel you in me when the world is quiet
and i live again, if only briefly
and when i wake, i'm alone
i miss you for another 21 hours, till 3am rolls around
and then i'm yours
your soul possession
come back to me
own me