Now Everybody's Me

[Rodney:] Joe, shut up!
Everybody hates Edie Brickell
All my favorite shows are on TV
All the restaurants serve my favorite food
'Cause now everybody's me
Now my apartment's really crowded
'Cause I live there and I'm everybody
And everybody's sleeping with my girl
But, hey, everybody's me
Now everybody's me [x4]
Everybody's watching Married with Children
Everybody's into bestiality
The stores stopped selling Amstel light
'Cause now everybody's me
Everybody loves Charles Manson
Everybody wants to set him free
And everybody's on the parole board
'Cause now everybody's me
Now everybody's me [x4]
I had to put an end to war
Didn't make much sense to shoot at myself
No more Christians, Jews, Muslims or Amway salesmen
Just a whole planet of TV addicts
Everybody's got hairy feet
Everybody follows my philosophy
Everybody's got a nephew named Jeff
'Cause now everybody's me
They had to lower all the basketball nets
'Cause everybody's only 5 foot 3
And everybody likes to dress like a monkey
'Cause now everybody's me
Now everybody's me [x4]
Now everybody's into what I do
Steve Albini, John? and Frank Sinatra sound exactly like me
I even set up a duo with Julio Iglesias
It was called Me and Julio Down By the Crackhouse
'Cause even Julio Iglesias is me
I have the number one album
I have all the albums
'Cause now everybody's me!
Now, I understand that some of you
don't know (Sour) Sarah Jane
So I'll tell you a little bit about her
She's a lesbian Eskimo midget albino
She went to college and she started the
lesbian midget Eskimo albino Student Union
and four hundred people signed up
There they were, hundreds of 'em
Lesbian midget left-handed Eskimo albinos
Did I mention the fact that she's left-handed?
She's left-handed, alright.
Girl's got some strange hobbies
One of her hobbies is lowering children
into open manholes, which is kinda difficult
'cause a lot of the children are taller than her
her being a midget and everything
or her being a left-handed midget
or her being a left-handed lesbian midget
or her being a left-handed lesbian albino midget
or her being a lesbian left-handed albino midget Eskimo
life can be really difficult on that young lady.
She bit me once, you know
Right here, ya see this? Left a mark.
She was lowerin' a friend of mine's kid into the sewer
I run up and tried to stop her, I said,
"Listen there, you lesbian midget left-handed albino!
And you stop right there!"
Then she bit me.
I'm afraid I'm gonna, I'm gonna
turn into a lesbian left-handed midget albino
when the moon is full.
Oh my God, the moon is full tonight!
I can feel myself shrinking!
I can feel myself getting left-handed!
I can feel myself getting the urge to build an igloo!
I can feel my skin turning white and my eyes getting red!
I can feel...
I can feel the urge...
to buy a SuZANNE VEGA ALBUM!! NOOO!
NNNNOOOO!!!! NNNNNNOOOOOOOooooo!!!!!!!
Oh, I'm okay; it was just gas.