Substantial Guilt Vs. The Irony Of Enjoying

And I lay numb, waiting for
something worse to happen. s
Sweet innocence, it happened
so suddenly. She crossed my path
on the way to nothingness, I knew
that I was encountering an angel
of purity and in the process
I've quickly understood that I don't
deserve her, none of us, humans, do. beholding such a fatality leave you empty with bitter grief. life seems
to be tarnished and sour, raped
in its very essence, but sorrow is rapidly replaced by frustration,
envy & despair. dressed in white,
a child alone, so fragile and beautiful
has dawn, to hold her close was exhilarating in a most vicious way.
I felt so weak, yet empowered somehow. one thing leading to
another, I knew then, that if I could not experience nor possess purity,
I would at least try to grasp it and choke the life out of it. and I did,
oh why, I don't know but I did... violently, I've pummelled her face
with my bare fists till she became awfully deformed, bleeding and dying,
all twisted in terror... I, I, I have forcefully replaced every missing
teeth in her mouth by razor sharp shards of glass, slowly inserting every
piece of glass in the little one's gum. why was I laughing? I guess that is my art, to inflict upon purity the only thing I can give, and unfortunately it's
not love. I should've feel guilty, I know, but it simply didn't occur. (As I am unable to put the knife through my own flesh anymore...)