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Bizarre Christmas Incident Lyrics
(Ho ho ho!)
Hey grandpa, lets tell them the little story about this Christmas
(Yeah tell 'em, tell 'em about Christmas!)
Christmas Eve,
I didn't get much sleep
I kept hearing things
Heavy breathing from the chimney, who could it be?
(I know who it was)
(What happened then, Ben?)
(Yeah, what happened?)
I went back to sleep
(Back to sleep? Shit!)
I'm tired if I don't have sleep
And in the morn'
I couldn't believe my eyes
A whale of a corpse
With a long white beard was hangin over the fire
Oh Santa, he's a big fat fuck
Went down the chimney, got his fat ass suck
Oh honey, call the lawyers fast
Because Mrs. Claus is gonna sue my ass
Hey hey hey (hey!) yeah
(Oh, oh oh)
OK grandpa, step up, sing in this thing right here,
Tell them what you saw, tell them what you saw grandpa...
I gotta tell you folks
He wasn't wearin' no clothes (no clothes!)
He must have rubbed the whole gallon of Crisco off
From his back and down to his toes
Well I was talking to the cops outside
The dog was lickin' Crisco off of his thighs
They hauled him away in a double wide
What a sad, sad way to die, hey hey hey!
Santa, he's a big fat fuck
Went down the chimney, got his fat ass suck
Oh honey, call the lawyers fast
Mrs. Claus is gonna sue our ass
(Yeah tell 'em, tell 'em about Christmas!)
I didn't get much sleep
I kept hearing things
Heavy breathing from the chimney, who could it be?
(What happened then, Ben?)
(Yeah, what happened?)
I went back to sleep
(Back to sleep? Shit!)
I'm tired if I don't have sleep
I couldn't believe my eyes
A whale of a corpse
With a long white beard was hangin over the fire
Went down the chimney, got his fat ass suck
Oh honey, call the lawyers fast
Because Mrs. Claus is gonna sue my ass
(Oh, oh oh)
Tell them what you saw, tell them what you saw grandpa...
He wasn't wearin' no clothes (no clothes!)
He must have rubbed the whole gallon of Crisco off
From his back and down to his toes
The dog was lickin' Crisco off of his thighs
They hauled him away in a double wide
What a sad, sad way to die, hey hey hey!
Went down the chimney, got his fat ass suck
Oh honey, call the lawyers fast
Mrs. Claus is gonna sue our ass
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Ben Folds is a musical genius. I laughed my ass off when I first heard this song, and I just love how Ben can make fun of anything, plus he can write insanely good ...serious songs as well.
poor santa...
yeah, i agree with both of u, ben folds can write amazingly, he can write anything, and make it sound good! he's incredible. i was in tears when i heard this song, its hilarious, and sad too, poor santa, i agree sham on.