Free, alone.
The predawn white light's coming on.
Bottle on the night stand.
I count disasters on my free hand now.
Run for cover there's a big one coming.
You'll be lucky if you're at ground zero.
You'll be lucky if it's got your number.
No one said that this life was easy.
Did that no one ever live a life this hard?
It gets hard.
The bills are scattered in the yard.
Ashtray monument.
A life spent waiting in cement.
After all, it's not that bad.
I still have pictures.
I look back at all the things that we once did.
You said, "I love you."
I guess you did.
Remember our life.
I did the dishes while you read out loud.
Best friends, strangers now.
Were our kids all we could call common ground.


Lyrics submitted by emoJustin

Ashtray Monument song meanings
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7 Comments

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  • +1
    General Comment

    great song i don't really have a clean explanation for it though blake introduces it as a song for your parents on the live cd...i still don't get it

    maybeilllcatchfireon March 10, 2003   Link
  • +1
    General Comment

    The best line of this song is "I count disasters on my free hand now." It has so many different interpretations and connotations:

    1. Why is his hand free? Because he's no longer clasping somebody else's hand. He's alone.

    2. Why counting disasters? Because when you're depressed, the slightest negative can feel monumental. For most a disaster is a singular event, like filing bankruptcy, a loved one dying. His disasters are multiple; everything is going wrong and everything is an overwhelming burden. The fact that he is counting disasters, rather than just accepting them, emphasizes the fact that he is not simply reflecting, but also dwelling, analyzing himself. He is obsessed.

    3. Why his hand? Because the hands are primary sensory organs of the body. His empty hand is numb, without feeling, useless. The hand is also the manipulatory organ of the body, used to control the environment, and his loneliness leaves him impotent, weak, and useless.

    4. Why just one hand? Because an idle hand is the devil's playground and can get you into trouble. He's already referenced drinking/drugs in the third line of the song, and clearly his other hand is busy self-medicating.

    This single line is what I like to quote when people ask why I like Jawbreaker so much.

    MTZon March 10, 2008   Link
  • 0
    General Comment

    I think this song is about a couple who have divorced and have children and now thier marriage is through the person sees that the only thing that they still had in common when they divorced is their children. They also have known A LOT of misery

    Lord Pembrokeon March 29, 2003   Link
  • 0
    General Comment

    I agree with Lord Pembroke, this song is definately about divorce.

    impossibledreameron April 23, 2003   Link
  • 0
    General Comment

    When I first heard this song without paying too much attention to the lyrics, I figured it was about a guy looking back on a bad relationship (you said I love you, I guess you did), but the lyric "I did the dishes while you read out loud" brought about more meaning to me-Yes, it is about divorce. The separated parents are struggling, so the children have to take on new responsiblities and end up growing up too fast. In the present, the grown child looks back and "counts distasters on his free hand"

    dyingstarton June 18, 2005   Link
  • 0
    General Comment

    defineately right about the divorce thing. my personal favorite jawbreaker song.

    imnotdonon March 02, 2006   Link
  • 0
    General Comment

    i don't think its about a divorce, it seems to be about a couple that are only stay together because they have kids.

    mechpope13on December 15, 2009   Link

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