(Be on the lookout for a tall light-skinned brother with dimples)
(Wearing a black kangol, sweatsuit, gold chain, and sneakers)
(Last seen on Farmers Boulevard headed east)
(Alias L.L. Cool J)
(He's bad...)
Aaaahhhhhhhhhh...
No rapper can rap quite like I can
I'll take a musclebound man and put his face in the sand
Not the last Mafioso I'm a MC cop
Make you say, "Go L.L. and do the wop"
Cause I ain't met a motherfucker who can do that yet
Trendsetter I'm better my rhymes are good
I got a gourmet plate that says I wish you would
Before my rhyme is over you know I'm a win
Cool J has arrived so you better make way
Ask anybody in the crowd they say the kid don't play!
I don't wear a disguise because I don't own the mob
Got a pinpoint rap that makes you feel trapped
So many girls on my jock I think my phone here is tapped
(Cool J)
(Cool J)
(Cool J)
(C C C C Cool J J)
(Cool J)
(C C C C C C C Cool J J J J J)
I'm makin' sure you don't try to battle me no more
Got concrete rhymes been rappin' for ten years and
Even when I'm braggin' I'm bein' sincere
They call me Jaws my hat is like a shark's fin
Because I'm bad as can be got my voice all waxed
Some brothers think he's making records now he must have relaxed
The best rapper you've heard is L.L. Cool J
Kamikaze take a look at what I've done
Used to rock in my basement now I'm number one
You wanna try me first you better learn how to rhyme
I'm the pinnacle that means I reign supreme
And I'm notorious I'll crush you like a jelly bean
You were souped you heard me and your ego shrunk
I'm devastating I'm so good it's a shame
Cause I eat rappers like a cannibal they call me insane
I enjoy what I'm doing plus I'm paid in full
Not Buckaroo Bonsai but busted out as I
Say the kind of rhymes that make MC's withstand I tie
The baddest rapper in the history of rap itself
Not bitter or mad just provin' I'm bad
You want a hit give me a hour plus a pen and a pad
And eat 'em in a battle and the ref won't cheat 'em
I'm the best takin' out all rookies
So forget Oreos eat Cool J coookies
(Cool J)
(Cool J)
(Cool J)
(Cool J J J)
(Cool J J J)
(C Cool J)
Never wearin' no Levis battle me why try
I'll treat you like a stepchild so tell mommy bye bye
Sparrin' MC's and I'm a never get with
When I retire I'll get worship like a old battleship
When I enter the center they say, "Yo, yo there he go!"
My paycheck's large Mr. Bogart in charge
Not a puncher or hunter from a rap cool large
Take the skin off a snake and split a pea from a pod
You're a novice I'm noble and I decipher my tongue
Not Atilla the Hun but no I'm Threwler his son
You try to brag you get your rhymes from a grab-bag
No good scavenger catfish vulture
My tongue's a chisel in this competition sculpture
(Think I'm gonna need backup)
(Think I'm gonna need backup)
(What you need that for?)
(Yo this is L.L. Cool J)
(And you'll never catch me so don't even try it)
(I'm too bad for ya, understand...)
Aaaaaahhhh... I'm bad!
This song made me switch from Oreos to Cool J cookies.
Despite Def Jam's sparse production common to LL Cool J's records, his battle-style rhymes stand out as perhaps the best recorded. Starting with a fierce statement, "No rapper can rap quite like I can," and alluding to Charles Atlas advertisements, except turning it around and putting the physical prowess down, we're in for a deft lyrical ride.
You can imagine him tugging on his gold nameplate, wishing you would. Eating is a motif, in which he is called Jaws, and he partakes in cannibalism, evocative of the fierceness emanating from his mouth. This is topped off by referencing food, Cool J Cookies, in which you receive his lyrics and are completely satisfied.
He says when he retires he will be worshipped, but previously says he will never retire. His longevity in this genre is a testament to his skill.
It is unfortunate that most of the rest of the album does not really stand up with this song, but rather rehashing many of the same themes from his first album.