On Fire

"My opinion could change today, but I'm responsible anyway For second or third hand information That complicates the complication."

Anything you say will be held against you forever, brought up in an arguments. Even if you didn't mean it. Or, it could be a tiny rumor that got out of hand and reaches the person it will hurt the most. Like if you say something about someone (and not really meaning it) in passing, not realizing this person is gonna spread it around.

"And I don't think before I speak And I don't know how far my words reach."

Exactly! People forget their words can be taken seriously, they just say stuff to anyone. Most of the time it's never in an effort to hurt someone...but it usually gets twisted around to make it seem like it is.

"So wrong nearly every time, that I'm sorry I speak my mind If what I said was unkind."

Same thing here. This guy is learning that he has to censor himself around certain people.

"Now it feels like I'm on fire It's burning the world through."

Feeling like everything, the "complication" was your fault. You were misunderstood but no one cares to hear you defend or explain yourself.

"But don't hold it against me, 'cause I know you're lying too."

I think this is basically saying that words are useless. Everybody's "lying" in some way because they never get the right message across. There will always be people who hear things the wrong way, misunderstand you, or don't get the underlying meaning...so he's pretty much saying communication sucks.

"Is there any need for apology? There's no reason to believe me."

Kind of the same as the last line. There's the question of if we need to apologize for what we say, even if it's what we truly felt in the moment. Should we apologize for our words, or take them back in retrospect or if our opinions/beliefs change? It's kind of the same concept as regretting our past actions. Should we regret them if it got us where we are today? And then...should you even believe what anyone says? What if somewhere down the road they change their opinions/beliefs? Does that mean what they said in the past is no longer true or valid?

OMG I sound so high.

"Judgments born in my jealous mind, creeping inside outside."

Everybody judges whether or not we like to think otherwise. We can call ourselves open minded but the fact is, first impressions and stereotypes matter. Our inner ugliness will always find a way to "creep outside" in our daily comments, the way we poke fun at people with our friends, the way we have inner monologues within ourselves about how much we hate so-and-so...

"Connections I've made never follow through And sooner or later disappoint you."

I'm extremely, painfully shy. It's a lot easier to talk to people online than it is face to face. For this reason, I always end up starting friendships over facebook rather than in person. Most of my friends online are people I met but never talked to at my old school. When I moved, I finally felt comfortable enough to talk to them through chat because I didn't have to see them the next day. We'd talk about everything and anything. The thing is, sooner or later they end up wanting to hang out with you. I can't. I just can't. They don't understand that I'm the opposite of what I am online. You can calculate what you wanna say on the internet, there's no awkward silence, there's no eye contact. But they wanna hang, or they like me so much they wanna date. So I stop replying to their texts, chats, and messages. I disappear and disappoint them.

"Or cross you twice when your back is turned, that's how I've learned That someone has got to be burned."

Reject them before they reject you. Burn them before they burn you.

"Now it feels like I'm on fire, these words are not the truth."

I can never say what I fucking mean. Nothing comes out right. There's just no words to describe what it's like, the fact that I want a friendship/love, but I can't be enough for them right now. There's too much shit in my mind and it's overcrowded.

"But don't hold it against me, 'cause I know you're lying, too Feels like I'm on fire, it's burning the world through Don't let me fall without someone to hold on to."

Everybody must feel like this at some point right? Like you can't even describe who you are or what you want, just that you want someone to GET you? Nobody should have to live their life alone because of fear...everybody needs somebody I think. So that's what that last line means.

I am so, so sorry to anyone who read through this crap. I'm an angsty 17 year old with nothing better to do at 5 o clock in the morning. Just discovered Sebadoh and fell in love! I'm sure when I graduate and get a job I'll have no time for this insignificant woe-is-me bullshit. Hopefully. ;)