Like a lot of the other comments are saying, I think this mainly about voyeurism. If the song was about his girlfriend, then why would he use the word spy. If you are a spy it means you shouldn't be caught, that is kind of the whole point, and if you are a voyeur, the whole point of the pleasure you get from it, is the fact that the other people don't know you are watching them. See a bit of a connection there?
The future has got me worried, such awful thoughts.
My head is a carousel of pictures.
The spinning never stops.
I just want someone to walk in front and I'll follow the leader.
Like when I fell under the weight of a schoolboy crush.
I started carrying her books and doing lots of drugs.
I almost forgot who I was, but came to my senses. Now I try to be assertive.
I'm making plans.
I want to rise to the occasion, yeah, meet all of their demands.
But all I do is just lay in bed and hide under the covers.
I know I should be brave but I'm just afraid of all this change.
It's hard to focus through all this doubt.
I keep making "To Do" lists but nothing ever gets crossed out.
Even working on the record seems pointless now. When the world ends, who's gonna hear it?
But I try and take some comfort in written words, yeah Tim I heard your album and it's better than
good.
When you get off tour I think we should hang and black out together.
Because I've been feeling sentimental for days gone by...
all those summers singing, drinking, laughing, wasting out time.
Remember all those songs and the way we smiled in those basements made of music.
But now I've got to crawl to get anywhere at all. I'm not as strong as I thought.
So when I'm lost in a crowds, I hope that you'll pick me out.
Oh, how I long to be found.
The grass grew high. I
laid down.
Now, wait for a hand to lift me up, help me stand.
I have been laying so low don't want to lay here no more.
I But if everything that happens is supposed to be and it is predetermined, you can't change your destiny.
Then I guess I'll just keep moving and someday, maybe, I'll get to where I'm going.
My head is a carousel of pictures.
The spinning never stops.
I just want someone to walk in front and I'll follow the leader.
Like when I fell under the weight of a schoolboy crush.
I started carrying her books and doing lots of drugs.
I almost forgot who I was, but came to my senses. Now I try to be assertive.
I'm making plans.
I want to rise to the occasion, yeah, meet all of their demands.
But all I do is just lay in bed and hide under the covers.
I know I should be brave but I'm just afraid of all this change.
It's hard to focus through all this doubt.
I keep making "To Do" lists but nothing ever gets crossed out.
Even working on the record seems pointless now. When the world ends, who's gonna hear it?
But I try and take some comfort in written words, yeah Tim I heard your album and it's better than
good.
When you get off tour I think we should hang and black out together.
Because I've been feeling sentimental for days gone by...
all those summers singing, drinking, laughing, wasting out time.
Remember all those songs and the way we smiled in those basements made of music.
But now I've got to crawl to get anywhere at all. I'm not as strong as I thought.
So when I'm lost in a crowds, I hope that you'll pick me out.
Oh, how I long to be found.
The grass grew high. I
laid down.
Now, wait for a hand to lift me up, help me stand.
I have been laying so low don't want to lay here no more.
I But if everything that happens is supposed to be and it is predetermined, you can't change your destiny.
Then I guess I'll just keep moving and someday, maybe, I'll get to where I'm going.
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The Spy
Doors, The
Doors, The
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Ministry
Ministry
Both as a standalone and as part of the DSOTS album, you can take this lyric as read. As a matter of public record, Jourgensen's drug intake was legendary even in the 1980s. By the late 90s, in his own words, he was grappling with massive addiction issues and had lost almost everything: friends, spouse, money and had nearly died more than once. "Dark Side of the Spoon" is a both funny & sad title for an album made by a musical genius who was losing the plot; and this song is a message to his fans & friends saying he knows it. It's painful to listen to so I'm glad the "Keith Richards of industrial metals" wised up and cleaned up. Well done sir.
Techno Ted
Audioslave
Audioslave
Techno Ted may be a person who caused Chris incredible emotional pain & trepidation as well as moments of peace & happiness but now is removed and awaiting his fate. Darling may be a different person who is also free of him and can live her life free of Ted's tyranny. "In between all the laughing, and daydreams ... lies: a desert of truth" Lies are like a desert or the omission of Truth: Where there were Lies then Truth was absent. The song, "Techno Ted", may be a cathartic celebration of the downfall of this person.
Light Up The Sky
Van Halen
Van Halen
The song lyrics were written by the band Van Halen, as they were asked to write a song for the 1979 movie "Over the Edge" starring Matt Dillon. The movie (and the lyrics, although more obliquely) are about bored, rebellious youth with nothing better to do than get into trouble. If you see the movie, these lyrics will make more sense. It's a great movie if you grew up in the 70s/80s you'll definitely remember some of these characters from your own life. Fun fact, after writing the song, Van Halen decided not to let the movie use it.
Cajun Girl
Little Feat
Little Feat
Overall about difficult moments of disappointment and vulnerability. Having hope and longing, while remaining optimistic for the future. Encourages the belief that with each new morning there is a chance for things to improve.
The chorus offers a glimmer of optimism and a chance at a resolution and redemption in the future.
Captures the rollercoaster of emotions of feeling lost while loving someone who is not there for you, feeling let down and abandoned while waiting for a lover. Lost with no direction, "Now I'm up in the air with the rain in my hair, Nowhere to go, I can go anywhere"
The bridge shows signs of longing and a plea for companionship. The Lyrics express a desire for authentic connection and the importance of Loving someone just as they are. "Just in passing, I'm not asking. That you be anyone but you”
Although he would never state it explicitly in a song, I think it's likely Conor has a lot of experience with depression. This song is probably the closest depiction to the feelings and thoughts of a depressive phase that I've heard.
"Well the future's got me worried Such awful thoughts"
One symptom of depression is excessive doubt and deflated self-esteem.
"My head's a carousel of pictures The spinning never stops"
Depression often makes it difficult to formulate cogent thoughts. It can cause very muddled thinking, hence the carousel.
"Like when I fell under the weight Of a schoolboy crush Started carrying her books And doing lots of drugs"
It's common to lose one's own discretions in a depressive phase. I think the official diagnosis says something about a higher likelihood of drug use and higher likelihood of risky sexual encounters.
"But all I do is just lay in bed And hide under the covers"
Depression leads to excessive sleep.
"And it's too hard to focus Through all this doubt"
Once again the difficulty to formulate thoughts.
"I keep making these to-do lists But nothing gets crossed out Working on the record seems pointless now"
A lot of diagnostic tests ask if you make lists to try to accomplish simple tasks. I have personal experience with this.
"But now I've got to crawl to get anywhere at all I'm not as strong as I thought"
I've felt exactly likely this when I had depressive phases. It's difficult to accomplish very simple daily things.
"I've been laying so low Don't want to lay here no more Don't want to lay here no more Don't want to lay here no more Don't want to lay here no more"
Once again, it can be difficult to even get out of bed.
He seems to hint at depression in a lot of his songs. Of course, you can never be certain with subtext in lyrics, but here some other songs that seem to hint at it: Bowl of Oranges; Lua; Waste of Paint; Laura Laurent; and Sunrise, Sunset (this one explicitly mentions manic depression and the title probably refers to it).
I love this comment so much for some reason..