Tango: Maureen

(At the vacant lot. Joanne is reexamining the cable connections)
Mark:
And so into the abyss...The lot. Where a small stage is partially set up.
Joanne:
(playing with some wires)
"Line in"...
I went to Harvard for this?
Mark:
Close on Mark's nose dive.
Joanne:
"Line out"...
Mark:
Will he get out of here alive...?
(Joanne notices Mark approaching)
Joanne:
Mark?
Mark:
Hi.
Joanne:
I told her not to call you
Mark:
That's Maureen
But can I help since I'm here
Joanne:
I've hired an engineer ...
Mark:
Great!
Well, nice to have met you...
Joanne:
Wait!
She's three hours late
The samples won't delay
But the cable --
Mark:
There's another way
Say something -- anything
Joanne:
Test -- one, two three --
Mark:
Anything but that
Joanne:
This is weird
Mark:
It's weird
Joanne:
Very weird
Mark:
Fuckin' weird
Joanne:
I'm so mad
That I don't know what to do
Fighting with microphones
Freezing down to my bones
And to top it all off
I'm with you
Mark:
Feel like going insane?
Got a fire in your brain?
And you're thinking of drinking gasoline?
Joanne:
As a matter of fact --
Mark:
Honey, I know this act
It's called the 'Tango Maureen'
The Tango Maureen
It's a dark, dizzy merry-go-round
As she keeps you dangling
Joanne:
You're wrong
Mark:
Your heart she is mangling
Joanne:
It's different with me
Mark:
And you toss and you turn
'Cause her cold eyes can burn
Yet you yearn and you churn and rebound
Joanne:
I think I know what you mean
Both:
The Tango Maureen
Mark:
Has she ever pouted her lips
And called you 'Pookie'
Joanne:
Never!
Mark:
Have you ever doubted a kiss or two?
Joanne:
This is ... spooky
Did you swoon when she walked through the door?
Mark:
Every time -- so be cautious
Joanne:
Did she moon over other boys --?
Mark:
More than moon --
Joanne:
I'm getting nauseous
(They begin to dance, with Mark leading)
Mark:
Where'd you learn to tango?
Joanne:
With the French Ambassador's daughter in her dorm room at Miss Porter's. And you?
Mark:
With Nanette Himmelfarb, the Rabbi's daughter at the Scarsdale Jewish Community Center.
(They switch, and Joanne leads)
It's hard to do this backwards.
Joanne:
You should try it in heels!
She cheated
Mark:
She cheated
Joanne:
Maureen cheated
Mark:
Fuckin' cheated
Joanne:
I'm defeated
I should give up right now
Mark:
Gotta look on the bright side
With all of your might
Joanne:
I'd fall for her still anyhow
Both:
When you're dancing her dance
You don't stand a chance
Her grip of romance
Makes you fall
Mark:
So you think, "Might as well'
Joanne:
"Dance a tango to hell"
Both:
"At least I'll have tangoed at all"
The Tango Maureen
Gotta dance till your diva is through
You pretend to believe her
Cause in the end -- you can't leave her
But the end it will come
Still you have to play dumb
Till you're glum and you bum
And turn blue
Mark:
Why do we love when she's mean?
Joanne:
And she can be so obscene
Mark:
Try the mike
Joanne:
My Maureen (reverb: een, een, een..)
Mark:
Patched
Joanne:
Thanks
Mark:
You know -- I feel great now!
Joanne:
I feel lousy
(The pay phone rings. Joanne answers)
Honey, we're... (pause) Pookie?!
You never call me Pookie...
Forget it, we're patched.
(She hangs up, looks at MARK)
Both:
The Tango Maureen!