The song lyrics were written by the band Van Halen, as they were asked to write a song for the 1979 movie "Over the Edge" starring Matt Dillon. The movie (and the lyrics, although more obliquely) are about bored, rebellious youth with nothing better to do than get into trouble. If you see the movie, these lyrics will make more sense. It's a great movie if you grew up in the 70s/80s you'll definitely remember some of these characters from your own life. Fun fact, after writing the song, Van Halen decided not to let the movie use it.
If I could be a superhero
I would be awesome man
I'd fly around the world fighting crime
According to my awesome plan
And if I saw criminals trying to lie
Hurting other people and making them cry
I'd haul them off to jail in my awesome van
'Cause I would be awesome man
Now, some criminals want you to be a criminal,
And they offer you things like drugs, alcohol.
But we know what to do, kids. We just say ‘no'.
If I could be a superhero
I would be drug-free boy
Telling the world of the evils of drugs
And all of the lives they destroy
Well I'd take all the junkie
He's getting so high
With their needles and bongs
And their sticks made of Thai
As I burn them alive I would squeal with joy
'Cause I would be drug-free boy
If I could be a superhero
I'd be immigration dude
I'd send the foreigners back to their homes
For eating up all of our food
And taking our welfare and best jobs to boot
Like landscaping, dishwashing, picking our fruit
I'd pass a lot of laws to get rid of their brood
'Cause I'd be immigration dude
Now kids, you can make up your very own superhero. If you could, who would it be?
If I could be a superhero
Would you be justice guy?
Making sure people get what they deserve
Especially women who lie
Like if a wife left her husband with three kids and no job
To run off to fucking Hawaii with some doctor named Bob
You could skin them and drain them of blood so they die (especially Bob)
Then you would be justice guy
Or you could be more subtle
No I didn't mean to be vague
Give her the mad cow disease
Let him die of the plague
As long as they suffer for their terrible lie (especially Bob)
Then you would be Justice Guy
Yes then you would be a superhero like me
I would be awesome man
I'd fly around the world fighting crime
According to my awesome plan
And if I saw criminals trying to lie
Hurting other people and making them cry
I'd haul them off to jail in my awesome van
'Cause I would be awesome man
Now, some criminals want you to be a criminal,
And they offer you things like drugs, alcohol.
But we know what to do, kids. We just say ‘no'.
If I could be a superhero
I would be drug-free boy
Telling the world of the evils of drugs
And all of the lives they destroy
Well I'd take all the junkie
He's getting so high
With their needles and bongs
And their sticks made of Thai
As I burn them alive I would squeal with joy
'Cause I would be drug-free boy
If I could be a superhero
I'd be immigration dude
I'd send the foreigners back to their homes
For eating up all of our food
And taking our welfare and best jobs to boot
Like landscaping, dishwashing, picking our fruit
I'd pass a lot of laws to get rid of their brood
'Cause I'd be immigration dude
Now kids, you can make up your very own superhero. If you could, who would it be?
If I could be a superhero
Would you be justice guy?
Making sure people get what they deserve
Especially women who lie
Like if a wife left her husband with three kids and no job
To run off to fucking Hawaii with some doctor named Bob
You could skin them and drain them of blood so they die (especially Bob)
Then you would be justice guy
Or you could be more subtle
No I didn't mean to be vague
Give her the mad cow disease
Let him die of the plague
As long as they suffer for their terrible lie (especially Bob)
Then you would be Justice Guy
Yes then you would be a superhero like me
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Great version of a great song,
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sticks made of tie???? what is that?
Marijuana sticks man. Im not even a pot head and i know that.
This song is the funniest song... I love the ending!
yo id totally be immigration dude!
sticks made of thai.. thai sticks....
has anyone seen the comedy central presensts with him? he looks so nice and friendly one minute, and the next minute i fear for my life. stephen lynch is seriously my role model :)
i would be fuck you dude
i thought they were sticks made of tyde
this baffles the hell out of me!
what the hell are sticks of tye?! or tyde, or thyme, or what? what the hell?
a thai stick is excellent marijuana wrapped around a stick and dipped in another drug (sometimes opium)
"Especially Bob..." lol love the version where he tries to whistle and the audience laughs :DD