1
I walked to the window turned out the light
Looked at the city went back through the night
Yeah I stood in the darkness stood all alone
Thank God for California thank God I'm going home
That's right you hurt me baby hurt me good
Hurt me like no one else ever could
Cut down the middle face down in the dirt
And we both know it's too late to save it
Bet ya feel proud about it baby
You taught me how to hurt
DC 10, 10:45
Halfway to L.A. red in the eyes
Might be the devil, might just be his friend
It don't make no difference, you ain't gettin' me again
That's right you hurt me baby hurt me good
Hurt me like no one else ever could
Cut down the middle face down in the dirt
And we both know it's too late to save it
Bet ya feel proud about it baby
You taught me how to hurt
Looked at the city went back through the night
Yeah I stood in the darkness stood all alone
Thank God for California thank God I'm going home
That's right you hurt me baby hurt me good
Hurt me like no one else ever could
Cut down the middle face down in the dirt
And we both know it's too late to save it
Bet ya feel proud about it baby
You taught me how to hurt
DC 10, 10:45
Halfway to L.A. red in the eyes
Might be the devil, might just be his friend
It don't make no difference, you ain't gettin' me again
That's right you hurt me baby hurt me good
Hurt me like no one else ever could
Cut down the middle face down in the dirt
And we both know it's too late to save it
Bet ya feel proud about it baby
You taught me how to hurt
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So I guess it's been over 10 years since I've written in my journal here. Interesting how times have changed. I hardly ever come to this web site anymore. I spend most of my time on Facebook now. But I figure I'm more anonymous over here, and nobody is reading my journal entries anyway, so I can write what I want here without having to worry about anyone judging me or criticizing me. I'm mainly hoping that by writing it down, it will help me gain some perspective.
So here I am, 48 years old, and my life hasn't changed at all since I last wrote a journal entry here. I'm still having relationships that don't work out. I'm still falling in love with emotionally abusive men. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to change it. At my age, I want and need stability. I don't want all of this chaos in my life anymore. I don't understand why I still attract the crazy men. I just want someone I can count on. My most recent boyfriend is paranoid and crazy, possibly even schizophrenic. He has admitted that he's supposed to be on medication for mental illness, but when I ask questions about it, I'm the bad guy. Any time I try to talk to him about anything serious, I get told that I'm being disrespectful. Most recently, he dumped me after I was "disrespectful," but what I was really doing was looking out for him and trying to protect him from getting hurt. I don't understand why he can't see that, and why he doesn't want a girlfriend who looks out for him because I'd give anything for a boyfriend who looks out for me. But that's not him. It'll never be him. Now he's not speaking to me and he doesn't want to see me. I'm so sad. I don't understand. I miss him so much.