| Jars of Clay – Jealous Kind Lyrics | 13 years ago |
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This song is about my fickle heart. I'm like a weather-vein that turns with the gentlest of breezes. I'm a magpie in Claire's Jewelry store and my eyes are only for the plastic rhinestones. But I'll leave the metaphors for the songwriters. Going back to my favorite word "fickle": I love this word primarily because of its association with "mediocre" or "two-faced." Then there are those lovely things we call "good intentions." I have so many temples in my life. Music, appearance, relationships, even people I look up to or try to emulate become focuses and drives, those "rushing winds" in my life. And I'm the weather-vein, well oiled with my need to belong and be liked and that elusive idea of "something more." Wherever the breeze blows, I'm there, even if I don't want to be. I've found myself among fools, though the biggest is myself. Indeed, some of the ones I look up to are just foolish comedians running towards cliffs shouting "revolution" and all those things I admire. "Twitterpainted" is another good word for me. Fickle, Unfaithful. Those are the words for me. Line em up, I'd shoot em down. Which one's for me, God? Let me try them on. Just holding hands, just hugging. It's all cool. I'll find her. Eventually. But spend time with you? Love you? Oh I do, don't you know? I love you with all my heart, just not the heart I gave to everyone else. I gave you the heart I wear to church and in bed when I pray or when I "testify" to your name. Amos 5 can sum up my worship. God has every right to be angry with me. I am a Gomer to God if He was Hosea. I kiss His feet, then spit in His face. He has every right to turn over tables, crash down the walls of my world, take everything He ever gave me away, and completely forsake me. But He over turns those tables to GET TO ME. He sees me at the gallows, and runs to stop me. God is love, but He is a jealous God. So this "love of a jealous kind..." my my. I can't understand. And I think that's my problem. I don't want to understand. Wisdom is fearing God, and forsaking evil is understanding, so Job says. So in understanding, I must forsake or at least recognize my evil, my harlot ways, and I'm disgusted with myself. I fear His grace because I cannot believe it, I cannot accept it. But running from God is like running from the sun. He's the rock under my feet, and He'll catch my when I fall, no matter how far from the cliff I jump. His truth is unyielding, no matter how much I'd rather lose myself in the subjective ambiguity of Salinger, Camus, Nietzsche, Melville, or Vonnegut. I can't hide myself behind excuses of ignorance or experience. This world I understand. Its pains I can understand. That's all i want to know because i can face the "infinite void" like any other good existentialist and somehow get a sense of superiority out of it. Funny how we find vindication in nothingness. "Vindication." Also a good word for me. I'd rather feel this pain than the pain I would feel coming to understand the God who died on a cross for my sins. Understanding that would be to accept it. This God of a jealous kind, on a cross for a harlot who didn't even know his name. I don't want it because I don't want to understand. So I keep on running. In running, you can't stop. The runner's mind says NO COMPROMISE. The lungs ache, the legs are lead, the heart pounds, but you can't slow. Regret is at your heels, along with defeat, inferiority, and broken promises. But the real danger behind me in this race is grace. His grace. Once again, I'm jumping from the cliff, losing myself in the sand, I can't slow down or it will fall on me and I'll realize how much I need it. I'll understand. It's this grace that is the danger, because in it is "love that shames the wise." The one thing Salinger and Vonnegut couldn't understand was Love. And I think it not too arrogant to say any of us did. When Salinger was staring into the abyss, he said "i'll make my own value." Vonnegut said "I'll just watch the good parts." They missed the point that all those mushy singers like Norah Jones, Frank Sinatra, and Michael Buble were all singing about. We don't want a love for now, a Gatsby's Daisy at the end of our dock, or someone to know us inside and out, we want that FOREVER. "A love that will last" as Norah sings. We can't reason our way out of this. No existentialism, transcendentalism, or carefree hedonism will ever get us beyond our own existence. Our hearts will always lead us astray because they too fear the grace we do not understand. Our mountains crumble, our statues fall, our wax wings melt, our pride shatters and we fall flat on our face. Funny, how thats the only way we see it. I slow down. I stop running. The finish line is... somewhere, but not here. Not yet. But I'm done. I'm gagging. I'm dry heaving. And I can't stop. I'm lying in bed. Trying to pray. Trying to see the God I'm running from. Trying to mean the words and the name and the conviction but I'm only wanting vindication. I'm repeating the name, because it's the only way of worship I can find now. "God of Love. God of Love. God of Love.” The world rushes at me, finally catching up. It hits me like an overturned table, and suddenly it's all gone. He's busted down my door, shattered all my walls, he's come to take His Israel back home. "You are mine." No more running. No more trying. Just, acceptance. Conviction. Understanding. |
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| Sean Mcconnell – Madly In Love With You Lyrics | 13 years ago |
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This song is about the false searching for God that I do. About the stupid ladders that I try to build to the sky in order to find Him there. But the Tower of Babel fell the first time and mine isn't any more structurally sound. My ladders only help me climb away from God. But I'm too engrossed in my own cleverness to realize that, so I keep on adding to the ladder, rung after rung. Then, when it's not working, I get frustrated with God. I'm not figuring out anything. These secrets of eternity aren't coming all at once and I don't know why. So I blame God for keeping His distance. It’s funny how I neglected to count the rungs on my ladder as I added them. How long have I been screaming out His name, asking for something more when really He's given me all I need? And He has. He always does. So He hears me screaming and sees me crying in my confusion and doubt. And it PAINS Him. It PIERCES Him...didn't He willingly undergo enough piercing on my behalf already? Yah, I thought so...but how did this nail and hammer appear in my hand? Why am I standing in front of this cross that holds a beautiful, naked, whipped man while His blood rests graciously on my own hand? My very own hand that trembles and cramps from all the times I've pounded those nails through His body. I keep building my ladder longer. But He's still trying to open my heart. I'm so dependent on the senses He gave me! I can't figure out how to see Him without my eyes! But THAT's why faith exists. “That's so stupid,” I say, “It'd be so much easier if He'd just walk with us. Everyone would believe in Him, and there'd be none of this religious warfare all the time.” DON'T YOU LOSE YOUR FAITH IN ME!!! Don't you DARE! I've been here the whole time! Your pride and selfishness and sin create the lens you view Me through! Sure, it's hard to understand, but that's the way it has to be. I never told you it'd be easy. Not once. Don't...you...DARE lose your faith in Me. I'm madly in love with you. Those stupid eyes I gave you keep you so blind to My signs. All you wanna see is your own success and accomplishment. Am I not the one who gives that to you? You're like water, always taking the path of least resistance. I put up a sign, a barrier, an obstacle that'll lead you to Me. And what do you do? You take the path of least resistance. You turn to the left or right and keep meandering along, thinking you're on your way to Me. You're so blind. I'm God and I can't break through. But I'm the most faithful friend you'll ever find. I'll wait for you until you're at your last. I'll wait with arms open, tears in My eyes, and your name on My lips. Your name. I may be the only one that ever waited for you your entire life, but I've been waiting for you ever since I thought of creating you. And I would wait a thousand times longer than that. I will never give up on you. I will NEVER give up on you. I'm relentless. I'm recklessly devoted to pursuing you. Don't you dare lose your faith in Me. Because I'm madly in love with you. These words, these symbols on your screen - they are too weak a vessel to possibly describe my love for you. They hold no emotion. They're chemicals reacting with light. My love for you is greater than heaven's might, the sun's brightness, the moon's whiteness, fire's heat, lightning's fierceness, the oceans' depths, and the earth's firmness. Greater than all of those is My love for you. I'm madly in love with you. |
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