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Prince – The Ballad of Dorothy Parker Lyrics 2 years ago
I loved this song the moment I heard it. I never heard anything like it before or since. Learning how it's sound was created from a happy accident just adds to its beauty. As I got older though the meaning behind the lyrics became apparent and clicked in my mind. And now I can't think of it any other way. Don't read if you have delicate sensibilities. I kind of feel like I'm revealing the secrets of a magic trick telling people this because it's much more profound if the meaning dawns on you.

In short, the song is about a prostitute named Dorothy Parker. He (not him personally, but the character in the song) had a fight with his girlfriend, the prostitute and him had sex with a condom on, but in the middle of the act he took it off, finished. Then he went home and had sex with his girlfriend with a condom on.

Just listen to the lyrics.

Dorothy was a waitress on the promenade
She worked the night shift
Dishwater blonde, tall and fine
She got a lot of tips

This tells you she is a prostitute. Waitress on the promenade is a metaphor. She worked the night shift. "She got a lot of tips" is a reference to what you think it is.

Well, earlier I'd been talkin' stuff
In a violent room
Fighting with lovers past
I needed someone with a quicker wit than mine
Dorothy was fast

In this verse he had an argument with his girlfriend presumably about her ex-lovers. He feels jealous or insecure about them. The next line is a set up for the Dorothy was fast line. Fast as in willing or quick to have sex.

Well, I ordered, "Yeah, let me get a fruit cocktail, I ain't too hungry"
Dorothy laughed
She said "Sounds like a real man to me"
"You're kinda cute, you want to take a bath?
(Do you want to, do you want to, bath)

Now this fruit cocktail line is a reference to an old euphemism for a prostitute. When someone said a woman sells fruit cocktail on the corner that meant she was a prostitute So when he says he ordered a fruit cocktail it means he approached her for her services. The next line is in reference to how ladies of the night compliment and praise tricks to entice them into making a purchase. When she asks him if he wants to take a bath she'd really asking if he wants to have intercourse.

Awh I said "Cool, but I'm leaving my pants on" (what you say)
"'Cause I'm kind of going with someone"
She said "Sounds like a real man to me"
"Mind if I turn on the radio?"
"Oh, my favorite song" she said
And it was Joni singing "Help me I think I'm falling"

The next line is him saying yes and that he will wear a condom because he has a girlfriend... maybe (because they had a fight.) Now this line is taken from an old joke/saying stating that having sex with a condom on is like taking a bath with your pants on. She then compliments his prudence. And she turns on some music.

Brrring the phone rang and she said
"Whoever's calling can't be as cute as you"
Right then I knew I was through
(Dorothy Parker was cool)

She's getting calls from other tricks, and she ignores them, focusing on him, not rushing the encounter for other clients. By her doing this he knew he was in for one eventful night and confirms it by whispering for emphasis that she was cool. He got that Podrick treatment. GoT fans know what's up.

My pants where wet, they came off
But she didn't see the movie
'Cause she hadn't read the book first

Due to the state of heightened lubrication he removed the condom. The line "she didn't see the movie because she hadn't read the book first" illustrates her willful ignorance to him removing the condom.

Instead she pretended she was blind
An affliction brought on by a witch's curse
Dorothy made me laugh (ha ha)
I felt much better so I went back
To the violent room (tell us what you did)
Let me tell you what I did

She played like she didn't see him do it. They enjoyed each other and he felt better. So, he went home to his girlfriend.

I took another bubble bath with my pants on
All the fighting stopped
Next time I'll do it sooner
This is the ballad of Dorothy Parker

He had sex with his girlfriend with a condom on and that calmed the situation and fighting down. Basically, his girl was tripping or he was tripping over her exes and he got some on the side to calm down enough to handle her.

Sorry to pull back the curtain on this song, but this is the Ballad of Dorothy Parker.

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