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This song really hits close to me in my heart strings because well..My interpretation of this song is-\n\n“I got all the time in the world” \nIn my current relationship.. romantic and non romantic relationships.. I feel that I have all the time in the world because I really do nothing but work.. eat.. sleep.. repeat (also from depression) but then I low key feel that I don’t have any time because of how much I work and put my work before anything.. \n\n“Don’t you want some of that?” I feel that my partner never shows that they want my time.. they rather be doing their own hobbies which I can respect.. but to a point living with someone who constantly just spends most of the time by themselves… it’s really hard to connect and have affection and fun.. I question does he want my time, sure doesn’t feel that he values time spent with me.. his “partner” \n\n“I would if I were you” I am a very precious soul, when I open up and trust you and am comfortable with you I can show you the light and be there for you I will be loyal and do anything for you.. I feel that I am one of the most selfless, non judgmental, special, caring, open minded souls..in fact I’ve been putting my mental and physical health on the back burner for years and years and years.. I now realize I have experienced ego death multiple times over the years.. (I’ve officially hit rock bottom harder and now I am able to self reflect while listening to this song)\nIf I were them I’d want my time because my time here on earth is so valuable, more than money.. I need to start putting myself first and setting boundaries… goals.. I need fun in my life.. I’ve been so lonely and unhappy for years and years… self sabotage is all I’ve known.. it really hurts me and my ego that I have spent so much time alone yet I don’t know exactly who I am.. I do know that I am worth the time and that anyone should be lucky to get to know me and spend quality time with me.. my love languages are all five but I feel that my main two are physical touch.. affirmation.. acts of service…. It all stems deep down from my parents and them both abandoning me.. so I crave and need that the most. I realize now I need to be there for myself and give myself all these things before I can ever be in a stable relationship.. it’s not fair to my partner.. I finally am learning to love myself and am ready to live the life I want and that my past does not define who I am at my core and my worth. Only me myself and I know who the real soul/human self is.\n\n“Put my work in front of my girl” I feel this on both romantic relationships/ and relationships with my family.. I put my work above the people closest to me because I am a hustler, I am so determined and will powered.. I work so hard because I believe that I need to keep doing things that are going to help me elevate.. sadly we need money to survive in todays world.. especially where I live and all around me $$$$$ money money money greed money is all I see, I’ve tried to prove my worth over the years by how much of a hard worker I am that I’ve been slowly slowly hurting my body from not taking care and doing so so much for others that now it’s catching up to me.. it’s time to take care of me and heal.. coming from the family I came from I have this belief that you get it how you live it\nI also never ever ask for help… I try to be so so strong that I’ve surpassed being vulnerable, I’ve become numb.. I just need to cry and cry and let it all out.. to much built up pain. MONEY IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL\n\n\n“There’s something wrong with that, I know this to be true” I know that my work ethic and pain and suffering and not healing has done nothing but turned me to a very ugly person to the people that are closest to me.. my partner, friends, family, pets the ones closest to me I have pushed away for so long… I need help and have been so feared by it and so paranoid of all the pain inside me.. I have been afraid to go to a stranger and open up like a book and tell them the full story.. my story, but I do know that it is what I need to heal.. so I can move on and be the best partner, mom, sister, aunt, niece, ( grand)daughter, daughter in law, colleague.. I know this to be true \n\n\nI live so much in the past that I take the present for granted.. I ruminate… and ruminate, and ruminate and dwell\n\nI am ready to get the help I need.. we all need help and love and someone to lean on right? \n\nThank you so much for coming to my TED TALK heheh but seriously thank you for listening.. much love.. you’re beautiful, never question your worth or existence here on this earth.\n\nI found this quote “Trusting someone, is like walking with your eyes closed. -Trusting no one is a sure way to lose those you hold close” Sentinel \n\nI have major trust issues which is the root of my problem because it stems from my parents.. I am ready for change, change for the better. \n\nIT’S OKAY TO NOT BE OKAY\nFEEL YOUR FEELINGS THEN LET THEM GO\nYOU\'RE UNDER NO OBLIGATION TO BE THE SAME PERSON YOU WERE A MONTH, YEAR, DECADE OR EVEN 15 MINUTES AGO \nYOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO GROW- NO APOLOGIES \n\nThank you for sharing this moment with me |
