| The National – The System Only Dreams in Total Darkness Lyrics | 8 years ago |
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@[ali1053051:21401] is spot on. I have DID and this song is a perfect explanation of the feelings we have and live with daily. The lines "We said we’ve never let anyone in. We said we’d only die of lonely secrets" refer to the purpose of alters. Their job is to protect the individual from any memories of the traumas they experienced. As @[ali1053051:21401] says an individual will refer to themselves as we/they. I have done this my entire life without knowing or receiving a diagnosis until two years ago. The alters may not be aware of the other alters and the host or front alter(s) may not be aware of the alters at all. They all exist in secret hiding the memories of the trauma(s) that each holds. They will never let anyone in to learn the secrets. The brain creates the alters to absorb the pain of the trauma that is too overwhelming to the child experiencing the trauma. The emotions attach to memories and are stored in the brain differently than regular long or short term memories. The line “We said we’d only die of lonely secrets” is particularly moving for me. I know very little of the experiences that caused these alters to develop. I remember only short pieces of most of my childhood. The alters hold these secrets and will die holding them. These emotions and the attached memories will not be given over easily. “I can tell that somebody sold you” means to me that an alter revealed something that all were committed to dying without revealing to an outside influence, perhaps a therapist or triggering event. “Why are you hiding from me?” is what I think every second of the day, since I learned about my alters. It is my life but they will not tell me anything about my life. They hold onto these memories and emotions that are mine, but I now know about them. It is a game changer. “We’re in a different kind of thing now” which is how I feel knowing that they exist and that they are protecting me but hiding secrets. Dreams are hope. We say we dream of one day… Expressing our hope for the future. Hope for the future only exists where there are no people, things, or feelings. Total darkness is the hope of me/us to someday have no experience, thoughts, or feelings. The bliss of nothingness. Safe and protected. I am listening to a god, my psychoanalyst, who is opening these secrets that “no other faith is light enough for this place.” Lyrics, like great poetry and art, express things that can’t be said or captured in thought. They are too fleeting and ephemeral. This song is that for me. It is illuminating but impossible to comprehend using normal thought. “I cannot explain it Any other, any other way” |
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