| Death Cab for Cutie – You've Haunted Me All My Life Lyrics | 9 years ago |
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On the surface this song sounds like it is about unrequited love, which Ben sings about a lot, but from the references I feel like the "mistress" is something less tangible - its like an idea, a childhood dream, or an ideal life that you've always chased, maybe even happiness. When I hear the song and assign my own personal meaning, I think about my childhood dreams that I would grow up to make a living as an artist, or writer, or musician- that I would do millions of meaningful things that i'm actually passionate about. A lot of painful things happened that stripped me my childhood innocence, made me bitter and cynical and insecure so I gave up on it, but those ghosts of my childhood dreams keep haunting me. That lifestyle, I keep chasing it and trying to make it work- then failing and going back to the sad reality of my dead end job. Thats just one example of what I think this "mistress" could be. Your bruised adult ego tells you why your dream is a fool's errand, and how unrealistic it is- but you still see it through the eye of the hopeful child you once were. "And so I wait but I never seem to learn How to capture your diminishing returns I still see you through the eyes of a child Not even thinking we could tame the wild" On the first track of the album there is the killer line "how can I stay in the sun when rain flows all through my veins?" And I think this song is basically a deeper exploration of that line. He's basically saying "i've always been kind of a lonely dude, with tendencies to be sad. but for a moment in time I thought that I was going to find true love, get married, have that happy ending, and become positive and sunshiny. but It didn't last- because how could it? thats not who i am... and yes I keep chasing it, but i'm afraid I'm never actually going to be that person. I'm never going to have that life" The "mistress" is what you thought your life would be when you were a child, or whatever your deepest desire in life is- and it haunts you and you keep chasing it: "You're always out of reach when I'm in pursuit Long winded then suddenly mute" The dream is long winded- the hopeful voice in your stupid heart that keeps, saying "just do it! go for it! i believe in you! you deserve this" then when you are just within its grasp, that inner voice suddenly shuts up and you no longer know what you're supposed to do or why you thought you could do it in the first place. "And there's a flaw in my heart's design For I keep trying to make you mine" So you keep cheating on your "real life" with that dream- even though you painfully realize its never going to be your reality. |
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