| Perfume Genius – All Along Lyrics | 10 years ago |
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The lyrics are pretty overt in their meaning and that's what makes it such a bold and powerful song. Even though that's the case here's my interpretation of them which I hope in the least affirms what's clear and at most adds something to think about whilst reflecting on the song: "What drives me to my man. Earthly, divine or otherwise. Is no business of mine." Why he's gay isn't something that needs questioning. His sexuality is what it is and questioning it won't bring him any closer to why or change him. "You wasted my time." (i) He's wasted his own time trying to question his own sexuality. (ii) All outside forces have wasted his time with the debate around sexuality. So as with the previous "earthly, divine or otherwise" a range of bodies have contributed to a questioning of sexuality that's redundant as it's intrinsic to him and as such immovable. "Deep down I never did feel right. Even now sometimes. That feeling's a lie." This verse is an honest and brave one in my opinion. He admits that his sexuality never sat comfortably with him, that perhaps he felt like it was a weakness. It's not explicitly defined but I think when learning to accept your sexuality, regardless of how comfortable you are with it and how rational you are in terms of understanding it as intrinsic and not a result of external factors there can still be the feeling that somehow you're "not right". This can be a result of the world not always being all right with it, childhood angst and questioning, bullying (a prevalent factor in a lot of gay people's youth) or just realising that you're different from the majority of the 'hetero-normative' population. I use the term hetero-normative to define the juxtaposition between the gay and straight sexualities and to highlight that at some point any homosexual inevitably poses the question to themselves, 'How will I fit into 'normality'?' - not because I think there is such a thing as hetero-normative. "Even now sometimes" expresses that he still sometimes has such feelings that he is somehow intrinsically not right in spite of the fact that he knows there is nothing wrong with him. "That feeling's a lie" He's categorically stating and perhaps reaffirming to himself that to feel the things outlined above is redundant because there is nothing wrong with being gay. He's stopping himself from continually questioning it and feeling pity for himself because there is no need, he is who he is and there's nothing that needs to be changed or doubted. "A heart long desperate. For just a little bit. A heart long desperate. For something I had all along." This to me is him longing for: (i) Acceptance of himself. (ii) For a taste of love. Then he states that he's had both all along - I'd veer more towards acceptance in terms of meaning. But it's not just acceptance of his sexuality, it's acceptance of himself. There is a tendency with some gay men to suppress or deny more feminine or typically understood 'gay characteristics' in oneself. I think it's his acceptance is of these factors as well. By being bold and mature enough to accept all of himself he realises that he's embracing all of who his is and has always been and in doing so the pieces of himself come together. "I don't need your love. I don't need you to understand. I need you to listen." To me this bit is asking everyone who doesn't understand what he's putting across in this song, all those who don't understand what being gay is or who he is and what he's about to just listen. To let him and everyone else have their voice and for it to be heard. You need not like/love gay people. You might not understand gay people. But if you listen in spite of that both parties would be better for it. I've rambled and probably been a lot less clear than the lyrics themselves. I just think this song is incredible. I hope young gay people can hear and take strength from it and I hope people who fail to understand homosexuality can listen to it and gain an insight. Anyway blah over! |
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