| Bright Eyes – Amy in the White Coat Lyrics | 10 years ago |
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I remember everything he sings about … “There's no feeling, just weight on you.” Everything from there. How you were made to feel complicit, as though you'd driven these grown men to losing control, and should be ashamed of yourself, sorry for them because they didn't want this anymore than you did and were trying harder than you were. That cold clench of your stomach and the sickening dread that set in when you knew you'd been trapped. One was obsessed with my hatred for him - “You hate me, don't you?” Said he could see the loathing in my eyes, said he understood anger, understood my frustration, but hatred? He'd never given me cause to hate him. The other one said we could always leave, but he knew we were kids and couldn't. Waking up every morning and knowing I had to go to school and face so much – so many tests failed, teachers angered, friends abandoned in a never-ending quest to disappear. Staying home, trying to get high. Going to school – 12:00, 1:00, 2:00 – greasy hair and crumpled uniform, three days without sleep and you stop pretending you're okay, you stare out windows and when people speak to you, you're sure they're speaking to somebody else. Taking the long way back from school because 20 more minutes between here and there is 20 more minutes where you don't have to pretend to anyone else that you're okay. I was molested by a church leader for 5 years. My father never molested me, but so much of this song describe what living with him was like. His once-fatal violence and emotional cruelty drove me into the path of a predator. He murdered my mother and drove my sister mad. The rapes ended when I was 13. The abuse ended when I was 16. But the nightmare never ends. I'm 20 now and I'm that same spoiled, stupid, sick 16 year-old. I'm that same 8 year-old ghost who lets the world fade away and goes to a place where pain can't reach her. Uneducated, unemployed, undead. No real family. So many friendships buried because the idea of loving anyone makes me sick to my stomach. “Amy” never had to be ostracized: in her own mind, she had already ceased to exist. |
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| Deerhunter – Memory Boy Lyrics | 11 years ago |
| As a CSA survivor diagnosed with PTSD, I'd be very surprised if this song isn't about childhood sexual abuse. I can admit that I often see the ugliest side of anything, but since Bradford Cox has revealed that he too is a survivor (see http://pitchfork.com/news/27184-deerhunters-cox-explains-recent-blog-posts/ ) this theory is probably worth a second glance. So many of his lyrics - especially on Microcastle, Halcyon Digest and Monomania - are spot on as far as PTSD goes. Anyway, amazing song, these guys play raw and real. Bradford has been my voice so many many times when my own words get stuck in my throat. Rock on! | |
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