| Jay-Z – Hola Hovita Lyrics | 6 years ago |
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Anybody have thoughts on what he means when he says "Yeah you shinin', but the only thing you're leavin' out You're a candle in the sun - that shit don't even out" |
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| The Smashing Pumpkins – Mayonaise Lyrics | 12 years ago |
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Here is what this song means to me...and billy might have said they were bullshit lyrics, I doubt it. Let me tell you a little about the scene for me back then when I first heard this song, and why it has stuck with me through the years and why and how it still does. I was 13 or 14 ish living at home with my mom and step dad. my dad was remarried to a woman 10 years older then me and hated kids, but yet would throw thousands of dollars at me like it was nothing. Mom, me and the step dad lived in a super nice house I lived in all my life, but since my parents divorce when I was 4 years old, my mom became addicted to pain meds. And at 4 I would tell everyone she needed help. She would most of the times have alcohol hid in the pantry and "sneak" it into her diet coke. No one would listen to me about her problem. So when I was 10 the step dad comes along, they get married and my real dad marries his wife a month later ( I think my mother married the step dad not just because he had a good job and seemed like a nice guy, it was more her pride and soul was hurt because my dad had moved on) so needless to say, moms addiction got out of control, and even the step dad whom lived with us, and should of seen it, enabled her and made excuses for her. I still at 34 almost 35 years old have scars on my arms, and wrist, and noise from her violence and craziness. And when I would try to tell anyone whom would listen about what was going on, they would tell me I deserved it, and when the cops even came a couple times, and they would say I need to change MY attitude because I had everything I could want, a nice house etc etc. So needless to say, it was pretty bad and emotions were high. I eventually got emancipated from my parents at 16 and I didn't see, or speak to my mother for 7 years. I would drive by my house and see her working outside, but never stopped to talk, and it was so hard and filled with love and hate, and all these other emotions as you can imagine. Well, when I came back into her life, she was way, way worse then she was when I had spoke to her last and her addiction was out of control. She died about 1 year after her and I started talking from respiratory depression; due to prescription medication. And even though we spoke for that year, believe me, it wasn't fun. And after her funeral my step dad tells me that he is sorry that he didn't believe me, and when they threw me out at 16 that she started taking everything out on him, and even hit him a few times, and he should have listened to me all those years ago. A way little to late if you asked me. This man stood behind everything she did, and made me believe I was the bad person. So now even though I am an adult, my soul and being is messed up from this. So with all this out there, I will try to explain what this song means to me, and why. "Fool enough to almost be it Cool enough to not quite see it, doomed" (I could have turned out like her, nobody would listen to me about her issues when i was 4 years old, and it killed her eventually) "Pick your pocket full of sorrow Run away with me tomorrow, June" (i can not explain the grief, sadness, heartbreak, guilt, anger, that comes out when i think about her. And i did kind of run away from her when she threw me out at 16 and emanicipated me through the courts) "We'll try and ease the pain Somehow we'll feel the same Well, no one knows Where our secrets go" (i had like all teenagers seem to do, dabbled into drugs when she through me out, and at 16 getting a place of my own and having to grow up so fast, and being immature and trying to figure out life, and whom i am with all these mental issues i had from dealing with things. There was a lot of anger, pain flustration, helplessness, and also love, i mean, you only get 1 mother and i wanted the woman she used to be back) "I send a heart to all my dearies When your life is so, so dreary, dream" ( all i did back then was listen to music and day dream if you will, about how life should be, and how it wasn't, and when i would listen to music, i could escape and get out of the situation...But a side note, mother would take all my music away because i talked back, or whatever she dreamed up that she didn't like that day, so i am an only child and was upstairs in my room, by myself most of the time for months at a time, and all i had were books, and my animals, no tv, phone, anything..so when i could dream to get away from life. And now that she has been dead over 10 years, i have dreams of her, and that is the only place i get to see her, and in my dreams these days, she looks happy and smiling, where i never seen her smile before) "I'm rumored to the straight and narrow While the harlots of my perils scream" (just utter flustration and helplessness) "And I fail But when I can, I will Try to understand That when I can, I will" (i was never pretty enough, skinny enough, grades never good enough, never did things her way, which was the only and right way according to her. I had a sister that was stillborn 2 years before i was thought of, and quite a few times i remember her telling me that if she knew how bad of a daughter i turned out to be, she wished i would have been the daughter to die, instead of my sister because she knew that if my sister had lived, Renee my sister would not have treated her as bad as i did. I was 10 years old and she was saying things like this to me, even through out the 16 years i lived with her any random day this would come out of her mouth.) "Mother, weep the years I'm missing All our time can't be given back Shut my mouth and strike the demons Cursed you and your reasons Out of hand and out of season Out of love and out of feeling so bad" (with the many other things i have said here, this is a pretty straight forward, to the point means exactly what they say) "When I can, I will Words defy the plans When I can, I will" (as an adult i will deal with these issues, and come to terms with her, and what happened, but i cant do it all at once, and i don't know how to even start this process) "Fool enough to almost be it And cool enough to not quite see it And old enough to always feel this Always old, I'll always feel this" (i have turned out kind of like her, not with the addiction, but i tend to spend all my time alone, in my house with music, pets, and books. She broke something in me that i can never fix, and its something that will stay with me forever and has affected me since i was little) "No more promise no more sorrow No longer will I follow Can anybody hear me I just want to be me When I can, I will Try to understand That when I can, I will" (now that im older i look back and understand she had her own issues, and it was not my fault, but even though i am broken, she is now dead and now i am 34 years old i am myself, and did not turn out with the issues she did, but am still like her in some ways, but i am myself a grown woman, who can be happy, smile, play in the snow, and while all this pain and hurt and anger i have for her i can not express in words all of it, but i am a good person.) Sorry guys, i wasn't trying to write a book, and i prolly should not of put all this info out here, but i have such a strong connection with this song, and while other people find different meanings out of it to fit their lives and experiences, i just wanted to put mine out there. I have read other comments here that Billy has said on story tellers, or somewhere that the lyrics to this song were bullshit, and if they were, he had to tap into something because this beautiful song seems to mean so much to many others beside myself. Also, i just want to put out there that yes, my mom and me did have major issues, i love her, and there are all these "what if's" i have, but i must put out there that she meant well, and i am very sure she did not intend for things to turn out like they did. She just got lost somewhere along the way, and was broken and could never seem to fix herself. And as an adult and have lived life somewhat, i can look at things from her point of view and know what its like to be in a relationship and be heartbroken over it to the point you loose yourself. Sorry so long guys, just wanted to put it out there to let people know how much this song means to me and i LOVE it, and listen to it often and as it says " WHEN YOUR LIFE IS OH SO DREARY DREAM" |
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