| The Zombies – Tell Her No Lyrics | 13 years ago |
| I wonder, since both this song and "She's not there" were written by the same guy-- are both songs about the same girl? If so, I think it's another comment on what it's like to be in a relationship with someone who suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder... the borderline personality frequently abandons a relationship, (unprovoked by anything other than their OWN asshat behavior--leaving the partner completely stiffed), and IMMEDIATELY STARTS (or might have already started) seducing someone new to replace the abandoned partner.... At least until the BBPD person eventually comes back. | |
| The Zombies – She's Not There Lyrics | 13 years ago |
| But those girls DON'T abandon rock-stars. That's the last thing they would do. Those superficial type girls will dump even long-term boyfriends to be with a rockstar. | |
| The Zombies – She's Not There Lyrics | 13 years ago |
| That's the first alternative to describing a BPD girl that actually makes sense. | |
| The Zombies – She's Not There Lyrics | 13 years ago |
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She was NEVER in love with him.. but she lied to him, and fooled him, and so he used to think she was. |
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| The Zombies – She's Not There Lyrics | 13 years ago |
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Listen to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rkuv5_MiPmk "let me tell you about the way she looks [pause] the way she acts [pause] and the color of her hair." roricka: "had to have forever !!!!" ????? Wtf, you're turning a question of fact into a damned religious crusade. STOP THAT. That's what 5 year olds do, not grown adults. |
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| The Zombies – She's Not There Lyrics | 13 years ago |
| What accent? | |
| The Zombies – She's Not There Lyrics | 13 years ago |
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And this is characteristic of the relationship dynamics of borderline personality disorder. The people who don't give the narrator the warning, however, are not the narrator's own circle of friends, but HER friends and family. I've had 3 relationships with women who, without a doubt, are Borderline Personality Disordered individuals. This song sounds exactly like how you feel when a BPD woman breaks up with you (and believe me, she's going to be the one who breaks up with you, not vice-versa). They start out EXTREMELY seductive...and are so for the first couple of months, and then, it's like being the victim of a vampire...once the fangs come out, it gets worse and worse, and yet you don't want to leave, because initially it was soooooo good, and you're trying to get back). Then, after one particularly nasty attack, the BPD dumps you, (just like the vampiric bite on the neck, just before transforming into a bat or other creature and fleeing the scene of the crime--even while the BPD/vampirePD/vampire's lover is desperately trying to get the BPD/Vampire to come back, despite the fact that the BPD/Vampire is the one and ONLY person who attacked the partner. Yes, BPD relationships are full of paradoxes!) |
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| The Zombies – She's Not There Lyrics | 13 years ago |
| And the interesting thing is, if you read up on the relationship pathology of people suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder, these lyrics are precisely the reactions induced in their abandoned partner(s). | |
| The Zombies – She's Not There Lyrics | 13 years ago |
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"how she lied" "how many people cried" A man doesn't fantasize about a woman who lies to him, and also turns out to have a history of making large numbers of people cry. |
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| The Zombies – She's Not There Lyrics | 13 years ago |
| Interesting take, but I think it is more closely aligned with a description of how the narrator feels after having been dumped by a woman with Borderline Personality Disorder. (I've been involved with some, and this song is EXACTLY what it feels like). | |
| The Zombies – She's Not There Lyrics | 13 years ago |
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SHE is definitely a borderline personality. But BPD's are rarely killed by their partners. It's almost always that the BPD murders their partner (even while being terrified of abandonment by that same partner!). They will push away a partner so that the partner can't abandon them first. BPD's also have a 10% suicide rate. It's all very tragic. Usually, if someone murders a person with BPD, it's NOT the BPD's partner (who is actively putting all of their effort into trying to fix/rescue the BPD.. there is NOBODY who will protect an individual with BPD like their partner will). On the other hand, the greatest threat of physical violence and death to someone with BPD (other than their own suicide gestures) are the immediate family of the BPD's partner, who have to endure hearing their loved-one's never ending tales of abuses committed by the BPD individual and watching the BPD's partner spiral down, down, down, down. Especially if the BPD is male, and the partner is female... if the the BPD refuses to seek treatment (which they rarely do, because to most of them, admitting to having a problem is even scarier than committing suicide!), then the partner's father or brother may well murder the BPD (especially once the BPD's constant need to "test" how much the partner will put up with crosses the line over into physical violence... at that point, a family member of the female partner might very well murder the male BPD). |
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| The Zombies – She's Not There Lyrics | 13 years ago |
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That's an interesting observation. Because, having dated 3 different BPD women (and having close calls with a few others), the song definitely seems to be about a BPD female..(read the clinical descriptions of their relationship patterns). Your idea that the song could also refers to her committing suicide is startling, and yet fitting, because 10% of people identified with BPD commit suicide :-/. |
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| The Zombies – She's Not There Lyrics | 13 years ago |
| And that is the classic casual description of a person with a Borderline Personality Disorder. | |
| The Zombies – She's Not There Lyrics | 13 years ago |
| Close.. HER is a female with a Borderline Personality Disorder. BPD typically incorporates all of Narcisstic Personality Disorder (but not all). | |
| The Zombies – She's Not There Lyrics | 13 years ago |
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This isn't just about a girl who left him. "How she lied.." "How many people cried..." It's not that he can't find her... "Well let me tell you 'bout the way she looked The way she'd act and the color of her hair Her voice was soft and cool Her eyes were clear and bright But she's not there" "Well no one told me about her, what could I do Well no one told me about her, though they all knew But it's too late to say you're sorry 'How would I know?' 'why should I care?' Please don't bother trying to find her She's not there" Most BPD's family members KNOW that something is quite wrong with the BPD individual. However, they also hope that their BPD relative can find someone who well help their BPD-issues. They usually don't know it as BPD... but they do know that the BPD person has some serious issues. So when their BPD relative starts a new relationship, and everything seems to be going perfect... they all keep their mouth shut, hoping that maybe this time, things will work out. Of course, it never does, because BPD's have are terrified of abandonment, and the way that they soothe their fears of abandonment, after the first 1-2 monthos of "love-bombing" is to test their partner with at first small, and then increasingly larger tests of commitment (will my partner put up with this small abuse? How about this larger abuse? Will My partner tolerate infidelity? How about if I dump my partner for no reason--will he/she take me back? How about if I hit my partner?..." In any event, depending on how much the other partner will put up with, eventually, the partner either becomes a battered spouse, or the spouse leaves, and thus fulfills the BPD's own prophetic fear of "everybody abandons me." BPD's actually tend bounce back and forth to and from one (or more) relationships (See "Red Rubber Ball" by Cyrkle), once they have found that their partner will take them back after being dumped. |
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| The Zombies – She's Not There Lyrics | 13 years ago |
| That's definitely BPD. NPD's rarely commit suicide, and even though they tend to demand high standards, they usually won't litter and then demand that someone else pick up after them. BPD's do. | |
| The Zombies – She's Not There Lyrics | 13 years ago |
| BPD is a form of insanity. They are VERY crazy, but unlike schizophrenics, 99% of the time, they present themselves as not only normal, but are quite seductive (emotionally, not sexually) to practically everyone around them, and sexually to those who they target. | |
| The Zombies – She's Not There Lyrics | 13 years ago |
| Yes...and as Edulon (almost, but not quite) points out... it's a variant on the characteristic description of the description of the relationship as stated by someone who has fallen in love with (not a Narcisstic Personality Disordered person as claimed by Edulon) a Borderline Personality Disordered person... Once they get to know the REAL person behind the BPD's mask, they discover that the person they fell in love with "is not there." When you fall in love with a person with BPD, you have fallen in love with an illusion. But by the time you realize it, you desperately want the illusion to come back. It's very difficult to seperate yourself from someone with BPD...because you keep getting glimmers of hope that the person you originally fell in love with will come back. But it never does.. the relationship just spirals downwards, and the partner (usually an NPD) gets weaker and weaker within the relationship (and sometimes even outside the relationship), while the BPD gains strength both inside and outside of the relationship from the vampiric sucking of energy out of the NPD partner (NPD's tend to be willing, like no other people, to continue to give and give and give and give to a BPD, trying to rescue and/or fix the BPD.... while the BPD refuses to do *anything* to change or help their own situation.) | |
| The Zombies – She's Not There Lyrics | 13 years ago |
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Edulondon .. uh, you're Mostly right, except what you have described is Borderling Personality Disorder (which, I too, think the song is about--I've dated 3 different women who suffer from BPD myself.) BPD almost always has NPD components, and so BPD's also look for Narcisstic Supply.. but one of the HUGEST differences between straight NPD and BPD, is that BPD's are are a bottomless well of neediness (even though in public, they present themselves as ultra-competent) in ways that NPD's don''t even approach. EVERYTHING else you have described are the traits of the Borderline personality, including the "vampire" stuff. Don't take my word for it, read up on BPD and you will see what I mean. |
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