| Alanis Morissette – Joining You Lyrics | 13 years ago |
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I love this song. Someone made the comment that this is the best non-preachy anti-suicide song out there and I very much agree with that. She talks about "us in the middle of this delusion." I don't think that it's because she's contemplating suicide herself, but she wants her friend to know that she's going to go all the way into the depths with him to see what he sees and feel what he feels. This is actually really rare, because people are usually too scared to go there. Their defenses automatically keep them from getting there even if they know that's what would be most helpful. I work in psych and sometimes I've seen counselors subtly devalue a depressed person with their projections, (a defense) or simply stand back and observe them from a safe distance, applying a label (or nametag) in a staff meeting, or they emphasize outcomes or successes that can be measured (sure signs the person is getting better) because that helps them (the counselor) feel more in control. And a lack of empathy is probably what got that depressed and hopeless person into that state of mind to begin with. The depressed person needs someone authentically present with them. Alannis gets that and she gives him what he needs without reacting from a place of fear (as the mother did). She tells him authentically about her first impressions of him, that she saw his insecurities and his hunger (or thirst) for empathy from others, and it didn't drive her away. In fact, she found him fascinating because of this, but even beyond that, she saw who he was, and she loved who he was (he was beautiful). Then she tells him the ways in which they're alike "we're like 4-year-olds" because he needs to know he's not truly alone and incapable of being understood, like he probably thinks. The ways in which they're alike though are different from mainstream America, which has a very narcissistic culture rather than a culture rooted in authentic experience. She still identifies with him, even in his present state of mind. She tells him why she thinks he arrived at the conclusion he came to - he's reduced life to all the things that wind up disappointing us or making us feel misunderstood and alone - our leaders, our culture, the fact that people apply nametags to us, etc. He needs to go back to living in the moment - they need a "really good memory." She tells him she's there for him whenever he needs her to be. If Alannis hadn't been a professional singer/songwriter, I think she would have been a really good psychotherapist. |
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| Alanis Morissette – The Couch Lyrics | 13 years ago |
| I love the line, "We had paper routes uphill both ways." He's poking fun at himself a little for whining about how hard his life was. I also like the line "She was only responsive with a drink; he was only responsive by photo." The imagery is so evocative -- the loneliness this man must have felt for so long is palpable. | |
| Alanis Morissette – I Was Hoping Lyrics | 13 years ago |
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It seems like she's describing moments when she realized the man she was on a date with was too insecure or narcissistic (they have a tendency to go hand in hand) to have the capacity for genuine intimacy. In the first case, she's sharing who she is after she thinks he's shared something real and been vulnerable. Maybe she's thinking of being a vegetarian and has been experimenting with that recently. The guy, rather than trying to find out even more about her (what made her want to make that choice, for example) points out an inconsistency (she's been wearing leather), which would make her feel a little off-balance and less close to him and would shut down the possibility for intimacy in that moment. Clearly, they can't share who they are with one another, if he's going to shut her down and try to throw her off balance whenever he becomes aware they're not twins in their points of view. After pointing out the inconsistency in her choice, he boasts something in an arrogant manner (we're at the top of the food chain) to justify his own different choice. Then he says in a condascending manner that she's still a fine woman, as if he really think it makes her "less than" that she's inconsistent and different from him, but he's a good enough guy that he will overlook it. It also reveals his inability to understand her, since he thinks she needed that reassurance that she's still ok, when he's the one with the insecurity issues. She cringed at how many things were wrong with his response to her. In the next example, a narcissistic guy frequents a place where the headwaiter knows the man needs reassurance about how great he is and gives it. Perhaps it's why the man she's dating keeps going back there - the special deference he's given. The waiter condascends to her, calling her "dear," because she's dressed in a girlish way that reveals she's not pretentious. He mistakes her down to earth style of dress for permission to disrespect her. In the past she would have reacted to that, maybe because she once had those insecurity issues herself, but having matured, she doesn't. Maybe she thinks, "What's the point of setting him straight? I know who I am enough that I can let the comment roll off" or maybe she just forgives him right away, since he's in his 50's and it could be a generational thing. She too once thought she was owed special deference because she had money, but she doesn't react anymore when she doesn't get that special treatment because she's gained maturity and overcome those issues. In the third example, we go back to the question of is there right and wrong or is there just ambiguity that we can try to understand? If we try to have compassion we put more good into the world than if we judge, label, or become self-righteous towards others. Narcissistic people tend to think in black and white terms, and she realizes he does that. He thinks it's wrong to beat your kid in a black and white kind of way, but Alannis would look at that situation and not think of it in terms of right or wrong because that's not how she organizes her world anymore. She would try to have compassion for the man regardless of his actions. Compassion entails trying to understand a situation, not judge and we don't have all the information. We don't know what kind of childhood he had or how much stress he's been under. She had to watch her tone, because her date would have felt judged. He doesn't understand her approach to the world because it's more mature than his. She's been there already, so she understands his approach. Her date, if he organizes his world in black and white terms, would assume she did too, and so he might feel threatened by a difference between them. If there's a difference, then he would assume someone had to be wrong, and he would not want to be the wrong one, so he might try to bully or coerce her into changing her mind, or make her feel bad about herself if that doesn't work. She's afraid he would feel judged because usually that type of person reacts in anger when they feel judged. I take the last two lines to mean that to her sex has intimacy as a pre-requisite. They don't have a capacity for intimacy, and she was attracted to her date, but the guy needed to open up and be vulnerable first before sex, so they weren't able to share the physical intimacy she was hoping for. All through the song, she's expressing her profound disappointment with the discrepancy between who her date is and what kind of guy she was hoping he'd be. |
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