| KoЯn – Bottled Up Inside Lyrics | 15 years ago |
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Oh, man.... I kid you not, I laughed maniacally throughout this song, because the lyrics describe literally WORD FOR WORD what I've been going through and how I've felt about my ex-girlfriend for the past three years. The metaphors "You raped and stole my pride" and "You F@&#$% up my mind" are quite literally what she did. She became very verbally abusive after she dumped me for a guy she had been seeing behind my back, and over the next 6 months my anxiety exploded into anxiety/panic attacks. Even now, even when I have minor conflicts with cherished friends, I feel like I'm paralyzed by fear or terror that those same cherished friends will say something hurtful. (The fact that I'm 'head over heels' right now for a wonderful lady at my college, two years my senior, who seems to be gradually returning my feelings, doesn't help at all). At one point I tried describing to her what I was experiencing, hoping that by doing so it might help her see that what was going on is not good, and she pretty much said that she does not care. What continues to "f$%& up my mind" is that she wants to be friends (and we're one each other's facebook friend's list again for the first time in several months after I removed her (she even sent me a friend request on myspace, which I don't really even use anymore) ) but she still treats me this way, and it's not making any sense. I haven't spoken to her in more than a month because I simply can't approach her, but I can't help this feeling that there's something there she's not saying, and that if I keep talking to her that she might start to take those years of walls down. -sigh- I'm sorry for the rant. I haven't felt any real peace of mind for a long time. |
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