| Gordon Lightfoot – If You Could Read My Mind Lyrics | 5 years ago |
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This 'fits' different experiences that's part of it's magic for us all, how many ways we connect with it. How we correlate... there isn't any wrong answers. There's room for interpretation. For me, it's about someone I met 15 years who has avoidant traits about intimacy. Fears, silences, withdrawls are common from him. He wishes I could just read his mind (that is what symbiotic is to him, no effort or risk, just the pretty parts!), and would always allude to how much he has to say, or wants to... but doesn't much, and when he does, it's a flash in a pan, not a long toasty warmth. The only way you'll ever really know, is you'd better be able to read minds though. And he loves you, he loves you oh so much, in his mind. Not in actions, or touch, or connection beyond the superficial, not in more than the most superficial words, but it's there, you just will be constantly told it and never really demonstrated, because that would take vulnerability, and that is not allowed. Shackled, imprisoned by fear, shame, and impotence, he escapes and retreats instead of courage, freedom, and intimacy. He would only allow himself to be the hero in the script, not just any ol human, and that means he can't be normal or vulnerable. Man=unflappable, an oak, never taking emotional risk, that stuff is for sissies. And he would only accept rescuing me, but not himself. Me rescuing him, out of the question too. Getting help, oh no, absolutely not. He won't for a second let himself be human, what a prison. "Bring out all the good things in me".. that he won't LET out in himself... It's a facade, he's "offering" her exactly what he will never really give to either of them. It's an illusion. For someone who so truly wants connection, they've also masterfully obscured any genuine potential to it. Because if they don't let people in, it won't hurt, and it hurts without them, and they simply fester there in that limbo between desire and fear, and feel ashamed for the fear, and await the day when maybe he'll be a hero while years pass by missing out on all that time and connection he actually wanted.... Wants connection, but not intimacy. It's a purgatory, and you'll have to join him there, because he's not showing up for anything else. Robin Williams once quoted: "I used to think the worst thing in the world, is to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone". A entrenched connection devoid of intimacy breeds the loneliest depths of us all. Won't you join him? He wishes for more, wants more, but won't take the risk for it. He's in his own way. What does she lack? Evidently, masochism.. she won't just settle for someone running hot and cold, aloof, unanswered, and feeling alone in his construct of love and what he will tolerate it being. If she gets vulnerable,and asks for an equal response, she will be met with silence. Either she will learn not to be vulnerable, not seek reciprocation, and forgo intimacy too, or she will stop trying, let go, respect his 'boundaries'. Nothing will shut down an avoidant like a request to change or reach for more, be more. It doesn't take a hero for her to get that, he has to answer for himself... and "the story always ends" But for now love, lets be real....as he guides to another shut down. Lukewarm 'love', this is the sonnet of a facade of love . Written poetically and quasi-humbly, and quasi skewed, accompanied beautifully and brilliantly. The guy I knew, he had that gift too, you could peek, but never linger, and those peeks, those peeks were astonishingly beautiful, with a 100 mines of don't see the rest around it. It will dawn someday to the woman, he's the hero he demands of himself, and he's not a partner she wants and needs either....either way, the story always ends. If you meet a prideful, ego driven, superficial command instead of growth or collaboration, beautiful man, choose wisely for yourself. Not much grows in the dark. It would take courage to be that vulnerable, to sustain that kind of open... but he's no hero, no human, and must protect himself and others from any strife, not get through it together. |
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| Suzanne Vega – The Queen And The Soldier Lyrics | 11 years ago |
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This is a story about power, control, vulnerability, a void, and it is a tragedy. Both sides are worthy of our sympathy. The soldier went to the queen, exhausted. For however long, he'd been trying for her, and felt used, and wanted to be loved for his contributions. The solider was simply a vaguely familiar face among the legion she'd controlled. Until then, he'd sacrificed everything for her, his time, attention, and risked so very much and wanted to be given back for that, to feel acknowledged, to have those gifts reciprocated. She had maintained a safe distance until now, only being availed when and how she wanted, only to suit her needs. The queen has encased herself into a fortress, a palace of fine things, which denotes security and power. The soldier wants to know is it that the queen really seeks? Battle after battle has been forged, and it seems a void that can never be filled. What is it the queen is after in life? The solider is led along her possessions, her fine tapestries (in this case, red silk sheets). The queen never once shows any vulnerability, maintaining the power and control throughout, her refuge is her things and her control of her people, situations, and self serving her interests only - for she is the queen and that's what power is all about. She controls and leads him very step of the way, any only what she allows to take place will have to be on her terms exclusively. The solider, in seeing her so removed from her heart, sees how immature the queen is, how lacking her entire life is of true intimacy. It's as if the growth of her heart has somehow stagnated amongst the acquisition for her of 'things' and 'safety' instead. He sees she plays with the lives that try to serve her as if they were toys, and why would she use people in such a way? She didn't have a direct answer, she avoided the question, and was even hostile to be challenged in such way. It shows how incredibly sensitive she really is, amidst the facade of arrogance. In truth, she actually incredibly frail. No one of power should have to be questioned after all, and any testing of this acquires her dismissal. But the soldier glimpsed her weakness therein. A lifetime of this pattern gave her an arsenal of defense mechanisms, and she regained the stronghold of control of her emotions and closed off once again, back to her 'comfort'. The queen confesses a source of pain - but vaguely, something she grapples with a lot, in a flicker of disclosure. The soldier tried to humble her, to let her experience being vulnerable and therefor experience intimacy. He tries to show her the way to what she wants and deep down most needs. He sees how lonely she is, how - no matter how many soldiers have come and gone, there is no true fulfillment. He sees how empty and weak a life is, amongst the facade of such power and wealth. He refuses to battle and perpetuate the pattern. He shows her her own emptiness and despair, and gives her the chance to change. She wanted change, deep down she wanted it more than anything. But it was so foreign, so vulnerable, so scary. All her life she had culminated a sense of control and power the way things were done. It was familiar and safe. Losing control, being wanted instead of needed took away the power that made her feel so safe. To reciprocate, to be transparent, to be blunt when it's not according to her own needs but to others is not a familiar path, and a queen will not yield unless it serves her, of course. The solider confesses he has simple but pure intentions, to live fully, to live balanced, and to love someone... but to love someone there is no singular line of control or power... and he wonders how she can reconcile that. How can she want love so bad and be so unwilling to be vulnerable and lose control? How can she want intimacy but be so unwilling to be loved and truly known? If she is needed, she still has control. But wanted, wanted for *all* she is - and not just what makes her feel safe, is terrifying. Her facade was broken, being seen was painful to her. By being seen so clearly, her power had been taken from her. Ironically, it was the pinnacle chance for love, she was truly vulnerable.... he truly saw her and was reaching out to her. She had what she wanted, and felt so ashamed and scared to be exposed. She can only feel safe when in control. She offered him the illusion of connection, she'd be there in a moment. And then she sabotaged him. She sabotaged him because it's all she knew, she had to keep control, she had to maintain power, she couldn't be vulnerable or intimate of her own volition, nor could she accept having her weakness seen and having to face that fact through another's eyes. She must keep control at all times, and in even being seen as she was wholly, and tenderly, she lost control. Being wanted fed her pride and ego, but being seen was vulnerable and disempowering to her armor. The soldier is ended, so the vulnerability is too. And life continued on just as it was. This can happen in life. It doesn't have to be gender specific. And if you've experienced it, no matter which part you played, I sympathize. |
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| Journey – Faithfully Lyrics | 12 years ago |
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Highway run Into the midnight sun Wheels go round and round You're on my mind (on the road monotony, late at night is when the loneliness burns the strongest) Restless hearts Sleep alone tonight Sendin' all my love Along the wire (Recognizing both sides are bereft, trying hard to maintain and affirm it by phone) They say that the road Ain't no place to start a family Right down the line It's been you and me (Long distance relationships are so pressured and talked down upon - maybe adding kids is another desire for them too - they've stuck it out so well so far, together and committed) And lovin' a music man Ain't always what it's supposed to be Oh girl you stand by me I'm forever yours, faithfully (So many people think of the exciting/novelty sides of fame and travel, what they are experiencing isn't so renowned) Circus life Under the big top world We all need the clowns To make us smile Through space and time Always another show Wondering where I am Lost without you (metaphor for the hectic surreal-ness of it all, gleaning what joys you can from it, missing what makes him feel most grounded among such chaos) And being apart ain't easy on this love affair Two strangers learn to fall in love again I get the joy Of rediscovering you Oh girl, you stand by me I'm forever yours, faithfully (Every phone call, and reunions especially, have a strong sense of catching up on so much. Having been apart so much/so long, so much of the minutia and the thousand little things can be lost to time passing, and sometimes time together is like a reintroduction of sorts, taken aback by so many little changes and events that have transpired in their absence. Within something that can be so difficult (being apart), you can also find the unique pleasure of the novelty among someone you're already so close to. Oh, oh, oh, oh Faithfully, I'm still yours I'm forever yours Ever yours, faithfully (Take comfort, even apart, you have all my heart) This, at least, is how my long distance music man explained it. |
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| Anna Nalick – Breathe (2 A.M.) Lyrics | 15 years ago |
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How long has this song been out? Seems long a good long while, a couple of years? Just clicked tonight in a personal way. Music is funny like that. It lingers, grows with or into you. Sometimes a moment brings it all home. Tonight was that with me for this song. 2 Am and she calls me cause I'm still awake. Can you help me unravel my latest mistake I don't love him, winter just wasn't my season.Yeah we walk through the doors so accusing their eyes Like they have any right at all to criticize. Hypocrites you're all here for the very same reason. ~Seeking a friend out, a shoulder. Going through a hard time. Whatever venue (counselors/pregnancy clinic/abortion clinic) there's a stigma But she's frustrated by the hypocrisy of it, how we're all fallible yet so quick to shame Cause you can't jump the track. We're like cars on a cable and life's like an hourglass glued to the table,No one can find the rewind button girl, So just cradle your head in your hands. And breathe, just breathe, whoa breathe just breathe ~We are not in control of all there is to life. Time is limited. Can't go back, whats done is done. So take the moment to mourn, regroup, and move on. This is 'the cable', no ones getting out of that. May he turned 21 on the base of Fort Bliss Just today he sat down to the flask in his fist Ain't been sober since maybe October of last year. Here in town you can tell he's been down for while But my God it's so beautiful when the boy smiles. Wanna hold him but maybe I'll just sing about it Young man in service. Still drinking today, and has been awhile. There's a lot burdening this man, but at times, when he lights up, it awes her. She cares about him, and has a lingering want for him, but realizes the futility of their being together and is simply working through those emotions alone/singing about it rather than acting on it. Chorus emphasizes that again, then: There's a light at each end of this tunnel you shout cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out And these mistakes you've made, You'll just make them again if you'll only try turnin' around ~There's two paths at least. But if you go back and don't learn from your mistakes, you'll only repeat them. The point is to learn from mistakes, go forward... but.. but then again... sometimes we get stuck like cars on a cable in other ways too... repeating them over and over again... 2Am and I'm still awake writing this song If i get it all down on paper it's no longer inside of me threaten' the life it belongs to. And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd Cause these words are my diary screamin' out aloud And I know that you'll use them however you want to. ~these thoughts and feelings are burning to come out/be reconciled. If they come out, they will at least have been said, processed, and given their due. But in writing them, there is such epic vulnerability as to how they will be received, compounded by her sense of their importance (and the importance others could or could not place among them). She acknowledges they may not be taken as meant, however they are used is the validation of the 'crowd's' integrity, not a validation of her words themselves. But you can't jump the track. We're like cars on a cable And life's like an hourglass glued to the table, No one can find the rewind button now Sing it if you understand...yeah breath Just breathe, ohho breathe ~and those are pretty human dynamics we'll all see in life sometime. It's a very good story she tells, a very human story. Put very well to a very good voice and accompaniment. Well done. The best part is, this will mean different things to all of us. Something I hope we'll all celebrate and not shame for, within ourselves or towards each other. The truest part of intimacy is knowing the nuances of someone very well, those who hear our diaries and embrace us with it, good and bad. You'll cry if they don't. You'll cry in a different way if they do. That is the most fundamental example of strength there is: to try, and be open to what will happen either way. |
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