| Elliott Smith – Twilight (Somebody's Baby) Lyrics | 15 years ago |
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I "dated" a junkie and this song really resonates with me... You can never truly date an addict... You will always come second in their life... Even when they're "in" a relationship with you, they're never really there. Sure, there were good times. But looking back, its more like a few smiles and laughs lost in a sea of depression. Those few fleeting moments when you can pretend to be "normal"; pretend not have problems; pretend not to wake up every morning so sick from withdrawals that you want to die... Have you ever seen someone detox from heroin? Waking up every morning wanting to die? Doing whatever it takes to just "not get sick"? To me, "twilight" means being caught somewhere in between... the feeling that you know you're about to come down from being high... that you are happy in this moment, but you know it's going to end... Being caught between wanting to function like a normal person in a healthy, loving relationship but understanding that your addiction is your life... That deep down in your guy, no matter how many times you try, you won't be able to get clean. Heroin - it's my wife and it's my life... This song remind me of the way my ex-boyfriend used to look at me in the morning when we woke up next to each other... Big, blue puppy dog eyes.. Something so sad and desperate... He never wanted to leave... He was safe and happy in that moment... with me... lying tangled in each others arms... holding on to me so tight, scared to be alone... holding out for as long as he could till he could no longer handle the withdrawal pains.. till the pain became intolerable... Then, he would rise from the warmth and comfort of my cozy bed... to go face the cold reality of the world... to go score... The illusion was crushed - he was a junkie. He could pretend we were happy. That our relationship was real. But it was just a distraction... a distraction from the cold, cruel truth: He no longer had control of his life. He could no longer function. His addiction had taken over his life and it was stronger than him. |
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