| Dar Williams – After All Lyrics | 16 years ago |
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This song truly spoke to me. I thought I was alone in my depression when, in group therapy in a psychiatric facility (I was in my early 20's), people around me were gradually feeling "better." I tried and tried to feel better, but I still felt worthless and like I was a burden in this world. I felt that I had NOTHING to offer. I also felt like the desolation was so powerful, that I would never harness the light of hope. I tried "faking" it, but it did not change my feelings. I fakes my way out of the facility and was still very suicidal. I kept it to myself. When I got home from that stint in the hospital and saw my beautiful cats again, I made a decision that if for anybody or anything, I would live for them. I made a decision that day, thinking that I would be miserable for the rest of my life, but I would NEVER chose to end my life. I made that choice that Dar so elegantly sings about in her song. I felt just as numb after that I made that "choice" as I did before I made it. Today, at almost 40-years-old, I can think of no words to describe the relief that I feel that I did not take my life back then. I am grateful that I "chose" to live in spite of feeling that my life would be absolutely miserable until it was naturally "my time" to go. This song truly touched my soul and validated my sense that I really am a wanted and valuable human being. I have so much respect for Dar Williams in that she lays her truth bare in order to reach out to souls that feel isolated and alienated. I am still alone, but my "aloneness" is now a cozy home for me. I do hope that I find companionship; but I will also be "okay" if it is not in life's plan for me. Blessings with all of my heart to Dar Williams for sharing her gift. |
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