| VAST – Pretty When You Cry Lyrics | 16 years ago |
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Yeah, you're thinking of this interview: http://www.ink19.com/issues_F/98_06/ink_spots/vast_nf.html That was from a period of time when we weren't talking. I didn't realize Jon had discussed this so publicly. Yes, the relationship resulted in arrest. I didn't press charges. I also didn't phone the police: some neighbor did because we were shouting. I remember being pissed off that they confiscated my pillowcase - it was an original Herself the Elf (limited edition) pillowcase from when I was a kid. So I guess if he mentioned it, well I should try to set that record straight already. I have with him, obviously. But we didn't talk again in person for about 5 years, although we spoke on the phone occasionally. What a poisonous article. That was the only incident of violence, however, except once I found him with another woman so I trashed her car in the heat of passion and once I caught him sleeping with a girl and I think I made a scene. I suppose that made him think I was crazy, but he knows I was just human. That sort of thing wasn't an everyday thing. We'd been breaking up back and forth for a few months at the end, and that was the final straw for me, coming to his house at 5 am and finding this other woman there dancing in his window wearing some black lacy thing, mocking me! I didn't get arrested, just cited. Neither one of us ever had anything put on our records because neither one of us committed crimes. I don't want to get into the suffocation thing, however, because substances were involved. It's kind of crazy to think about in retrospect, but ah well, live. Or die. It sounds so Jerry Springer that I hate talking about it. Of course, I was like 19 years old. Both of us were pretty intense back then. That probably still holds true. Most people can probably relate to flip outs during horrible breakups and the inevitable shit talking that comes after all that, not to mention misunderstandings. Good thing none of that happens when you've got a microphone in front of you. |
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| VAST – Channel Zero Lyrics | 16 years ago |
| media culture, television... | |
| VAST – Dirty Hole Lyrics | 16 years ago |
| It's from an original recording of a chain gang, I'm pretty sure. | |
| VAST – Dirty Hole Lyrics | 16 years ago |
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This song gets lumped in with "Flames, Pretty When You Cry, and Touched." Those are about my relationship with Jon. This one isn't. I think I know what it's about and it was written before all the others. Can't give it up, but I'll say this much: I don't think it's about an ex girlfriend. I do think it has very personal metaphors and is an expression of deep disgust. The narrator seems to shift, IMHO. |
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| VAST – Flames Lyrics | 16 years ago |
| Wow. That's awful. I have my funeral songs all picked out as well. Beautiful choice and very touching. | |
| VAST – Flames Lyrics | 16 years ago |
| This one isn't about sex. This one was a sad moment when Jon wanted to be back with a certain ex girlfriend. It's very much what it sounds like. It's a beautiful song and possibly the most sorrowful of this sequence. | |
| VAST – Touched Lyrics | 16 years ago |
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As far as I know, since I didn't see page two: the imagery probably refers to the suicidal stupor I fell into after we split up. razors was an uber gothy suicide reference. dying roses, I've always thought, had to do with these valentine's day roses. Maybe it's just figurative though. the choir in the background was from this cd my mother owned... we were stuck with it a lot, it was either that or joan baez for this period of time when we stayed with her in NY. Associative, I'm sure. Not wanting to leave me alone and not at home were probably literal. I kept lapsing into seriously suicidal ideations because he left me and shacked up with someone else, which left me in a state of horrible jealousy and abandonment - especially at such a young age. We're still close. We'll always be close. I'm remarried of course. Our relationship, in hindsight, reminds me a lot of a Robert and Mary Smith one. |
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| VAST – Touched Lyrics | 16 years ago |
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Most of you have this about right. This sequence of songs was written after we'd broken up (I wrote about the song "Pretty When You Cry" as well). There was regret. There was an attempt to reconcile a 3-year relationship, although I was in another one by then. It's a complicated emotion that the video captures pretty well. Wanting someone and finding they're gone, perhaps wondering if you ever really knew them or how close you were. Someone said it was about a schizophrenic girl. I see that floating around a lot. I'm definitely not schizophrenic, nor do I suffer any mental disorders. I'm about as buckled down as they come, sorry. It haunts me to listen to as well. I think Jon might have meant "touched" as in "touched in the head" but I also suspect he meant it with some sense of admiration, or as a double-entendre. It certainly refers to the way we connected, which was one of those complicated, cerebral, emotional, can't-get-close-enough-to-you ways. Like "I want to be in your crazy world." Constructing crazy and personal worlds is underrated. I have always felt like that is what the essence of VAST was: creating a world outside of the quotidian bullshit that passes for "life." I think we aimed for something more philosophical, more emotional, and deeper. Still do. VAST was more of a lifestyle than a band, and as such reflected those who were living it. |
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| VAST – Pretty When You Cry Lyrics | 16 years ago |
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Well, I can answer this. Take it or leave it. It's about me, so. Of course, it was written about 15 years ago and I've explained it before but time likes to play telephone. It's about the twisted things people do to one another in relationships so that they can experience their own pain. Not dissimilar from NIN, I hurt myself today, to see if you could feel. I don't believe you can ever really "know" what a song means, but I do think you can know the circumstances surrounding its creation. To address a few points brought up by other posters: There was no rape involved. We were definitely in love. We weren't using each other. The relationship was not physically abusive or violent. I definitely do not have any "mental issues" (nor have I ever), but the ending was totally damaging. Jon is still a friend. The relationship ended and we both moved on. This song was written during the time that he was still in a state of shock, I think, from the damage done by the breakup: he wanted to get back together at certain points. Looking back at it as two adults, I'd say we would kind of laugh about how awful we were to one another. Of course, we were just kids. And I didn't stay because I was a masochist. That's a very sadistic sort of fantasy. The lines between emotional sadism and masochism blur in the song. We stayed in that relationship because we were really in love and if we'd been older, perhaps it would have worked out better, but we were so young and stupid that we essentially just kept reacting to each other and it snowballed out of control. So I didn't want to stay BECAUSE he treated me poorly, but I probably clung harder every time things started spiraling out of control. Obviously I'm not going to explain all the circumstances of our personal situation. They involved money, intrigue, immaturity, substance abuse, high drama, and sycophantism, naturally. But I see this talked about over the years online and I always just scratch my head. Most of Jon's songs are about some girl or another he's dated for a few years, incidentally. At least for a few albums there. Except Dirty Hole. People screw that one up royally. That wasn't about me -- or any other girlfriend he ever had. Thanks for letting me clear that up a bit. |
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