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It is my belief that our songwriter is caught in a struggle of life and death due to a drug addiction. This gem of a song begins with our lead character's conversation with God "It's a crime to let it happen to me." Of all the people in this world, how could He allow this addiction and subsequent downfall to happen to him? The following line has our songwriter expressing a childish animosity (I describe it as childish because of the writer’s repeated use of the words ‘never mind’ and ‘forget it’ throughout the song. I envision a quarrel between siblings or spouses) 'Never mind, I'll let it happen to you.” My sense is that the songwriter feels like God forgot him, and in retaliation, he is going to lose his faith in God, or will he? What makes this story tragic is the songwriter’s addiction has led him to lose all of his earthly possessions. The only thing he has left is his own life, and even that looks grim. He realizes that his only hope for survival is to ask for God’s mercy (he hasn’t lost his faith after all). He does so by punctuating the dire circumstances of his situation in his own childish way again “never mind, forget it, there’s nothing to lose but my mind and all the things I wanted.” Our main character’s cries for mercy are answered. God has given him more chances at life, which is evident by the fact that he has escaped certain death on several occasions “every time I get it, I throw it away’. The character continues to simply throw his life away with every hit of the crack pipe or every tap of a new or old vein. Perhaps this constant flirtation with death is a sign for our character to give up on life and go home to God, but he doesn’t want to go yet “it’s a sign, I get it, I wanna stay.” The next line begins to give us a glimpse into our character’s inevitable demise “by the time I lose it (his life that is), I’m not afraid, I’m alive but I can surely fake it.” Technically, he is still alive but while under the heavy influence of his drug, he goes into a deathlike comatose state, thus being “alive” but seemingly dead. Death is near, and despite his earlier claim of not being “afraid” he is beginning to realize the irrevocable damage the drugs have caused. In desperation, he cries out “how can I believe when this cloud hangs over me.” His faith remains in question. How can there be a God that allows this to happen? The cloud he refers to is his addiction. “you’re the part of me that I don’t wanna see” refers to guilt he feels for wasting the opportunities God gave him at life. “There’s a place, I see you follow me, just a taste of all that might come to be” refers to the white light a person sees when they are near death, God is present in this “place” and he is beginning to see what’s in store for him. The addict pleads for his life “Just fade away, please let me stay” God responds by stating that he’s hopelessly addicted and “caught in your ways.” The next line begins where we started “it’s a crime to let it happen to me”, but this time the original dialogue is abruptly replaced with the following: “I don’t mind, I love it, easy to please…just memory inside a spiral notebook” Our tragic character is now dead. He doesn’t mind it all that much because he appreciates the beautiful place God has created in Heaven “I don’t mind, I love it.” The spiral notebook I believe represents the police investigator or coroner’s notebook where they pen the details surrounding the man’s death, in essence solidifying my claim that the man is now deceased. The song ends on a touching note and if you are not moved by it, you may want to check your pulse. The addict is now in heaven at the right hand of God where he proudly proclaims, “I can live forever here.” Beautiful. |
