my favorite number x 2, is the time right now. I am writing my Leigh and email as my aim away message, ha. I don't care if everyone knows about how I feel. she is really everything to me. I went to jordans house, and watched the night of our jumping. it was awesome. a lot shorter than it seemed at the time, but still fun. that's about it. have a good night kids. I love Leigh. music is life.

Last night I didn't write because I got sick. wtf. it really sucked. anyway. I will write later on about the day being Easter. 'evening

hey kids. my day went okay. nothing spectacular happened. I have been trying to get in touch with Leigh, but she went to spend the night with her friend, which is cool. I just really miss her. music-wise, today, I haven't listened to anything really except for the music on gta: vice city, which rocks. I am going to listen to a couple of songs while writing this, in fact. hold. 6 songs to go until I end this little jucture in my life. guess to whom I am listening. eh, good job, it is the ataris. I hurt a bit more than I did last night because of the battle scars I recieved with jordan after hiding from the cops. I think I told you about that. pretty sure. I really miss my Leigh, and I cannot wait to take my trip to see her. how in the fuck am I going to acquire the money for it though? some illegal stuff, probably not, but you know, it is worth the thought. I guess I could try to get a job somewhere, but the thing is, is that I know no one will hire for two months. I'm trying to borrow some money from my mother, but that isn't going too well. I figure I need about 500 dollars. 100 for gas, 300 for hotel, and 100 for food. it is going to be for a week and a half, you know. I don't know what is going to happen, but with or without the money, I am going to go. ha, depending on how far I make it, depends on how long until I see her. it makes me sad. well the jeep isn't complete yet, because someone happened to be "too busy" which is always his excuse. we are waiting for his ass to order the parts for the jeep, and it isn't happening. it's been two months since I have driven it, and I am seriously having withdrawals. I don't know what is going to happen in the near future, and seeing how the art institute sends me shit in the mail instead of an acceptance/denial letter. it really pisses me off. they actually sent me a customer survey. wtf? everything is good, but their sending me loads of ass. I'm ready to be told yes or no. either one. if I don't get accepted, I'm taking what money I can get, and I'm moving to north carolina to be with Leigh. I want to talk to her, just once tonight. :| my sheets haven't finished washing either, so I have to sleep on the couch again tonight. haha. wtf. 1.5 songs to go. oops, 1. ha. I really miss her. I miss her more than anything, and I think I am going to cry, seriously. nothing better to do than go to sleep. I think tonight it will be to incubus. sound good? if not, too bad. my eyes are watering, and it is because I freaking miss her. the fucking mail man didn't come today ( friday ), even though it is saturday, and therefore I didn't receive Leigh's letter. I hate him. 7-11 didn't have cookies and cream ice cream today, either. how bizarre is that? I have been craving that mess forever, and no, they don't have it. I got to see "my friend" today, because he was working the day shift. he is a good guy. I am really really tired of not being with her. well, have a good one kids. an email to her, and then I'm in dreamland. 'morning. I don't understand why everyone judges music. it is expression and nothing more. so listen to the lyrics for what they are, and drop all the shit.

only certain people, knowing who I am, and certain people not knowing who I am, being the majority of you who may read this, will ever read this. this is jordan and I's night. ready? Well, last night, jordan and I made plans to go cliff jumping like we used to do last summer. ( 02 ) He and I talked on the phone today and talked about how excited we were about tonight, and how he wanted to come over, because he didn't want to go to class, but changed his mind due to the shortness of the classes. After, I went back to sleep, and got some more rest, and got up, did some stuff around the house, and played tekken tag team, and some gta3, which both are awesome. tomorrow, I may very well go rent dragon. anyway, after that, I came back in to the computer room, and saw that I had missed my Leigh. being in a sad state of mind, I emailed her, and such, trying to bide time between wanting to be with her, and being ready to go with jordan. shortly after, i went and played more ps2, when someone called us. I was saying: "it's about time." in my mind, when I said: "hello." in pasty, my moms friends, voice. man, was I sad. going back to my gaming, mom came in and asked what did I want to eat, and they got pizza hut. it was really good.jordan called sometime after that, and we got together, by his honking. omg. it was 9.00 pm and I was ready to go with him, so I dashed out of the house, and hit a jog to his car. I was ready. we went to get some drugs, being in the form of marijuana, and left in haste to the cliffs. I rolled while he drove, and we got there pretty fast. I didn't even have time to completely roll the blunt yet. when we got there, I finished it, and he changed. I changed as he rolled the next, and we got things in order, and left. we got to our destination cut in two. the first leg ended with our meeting a band of outlaws smoking reefer. once we began our second leg, we soon found the correct path to the cliffs. upon reaching our destination, we settled ourselves while smoking. soon, we began our music again. it was awesome. as we smoked and david, misti, timo, and possibly that fuck ricky, came yelling for us, we ignored them, and had our first ballad. it was the first time we created music with singing, and it was really awesome. as they left, we jumped, by the way, I think I am only dyslexic when I have been smoking, and as we surfaced, we found each others yell, and were viciously surprised by how cold the water decided to be.we swam as fast as we could to our escape route. the thing about this is, we knew the risks, and how cold the water may have been, and also knew that the escape chain had been removed at the end of our summer, we tried to escape, but we still jumped. when we reached our extraction point, it ended up being almost impossible from which to be extracted. we realized at this point, that hypothermia was seriously now a risk, and we needed to get the hell out of there. oh :| and by the way, david, misti, timo, and that fuck rick, were yelling some things, that at this point, I can't remember. jordan, after about five minutes, finally found a way to get himself out of the water, and through a series of attempts, helped mange to get me out, as well. we laughed a bit, and realized we may have some cuts on our feet. at this point, we knew it was time to get back tot he rocks, so we found our usual path, and made if back. when we got back, we both decided to smoke, because we thought we almost died, which in reality, probably wasn't a too forthcoming conclusion. five minutes doesn't sound too long, but when you are in that situation, that shit ticks by slowly. ha. we got back there, and smoked the one I had rolled and pretty much right after we started it, the cops decided to come by, and shine there light on the opposite bank. this is where it gets scary. I don't really know why we decided to jump off of the rocks. we have never done that before when the cops had done that, but we jumped. actually, I jumped landed on some rocks, slipped and got a few nice cuts and bruises. ANDDDDDDDDDDD here come jordan. wtf. he didn't fall correctly. "jordan, omg, are you all right?" and he said yeah, but I knew something wasn't right. he said, "damn fool, i can't even move." and I thought for an instant he was paralyzed, and then saw him moving. I asked: "what happened?" and he replied: "I rolled off." and I said: " wtf." and he said: "fuck yeah, I just rolled off." we got finished getting our stuff off of the rocks and put on our shoes, and began our journey back, complete with a nasty sratch on my left side. we made it back to our safe spot and he put on his shirt, and continued on our way. we got to the car, I put on my shirt, and we looked over our scars. nothing, but a few puncture marks, and tiny scratches stood in our way, intil jordan tourned his back to the light. 3 huge, deep, and red cuts ran down in a south-eatern pattern , and I just said: "omg." he said: "it's cool." we drove off through the dock entrance, and I said: "Let's smoke the other." he responded with: " okay, where is the camera bag?" and as I took in a huge gasp of disbelief, I had left in on the roof. to my ultimate relief, it was still there, amazingly, with out towel as well. we lit up the other blunt, as we pulled out of the cliffs entrance. we saw this car that had stopped up ahead, and decided to hold the blunt low, and to our suspicion, the car happily pulled up behind us. we didn't smoke until the thing pulled off of the road, and turned somewhere. when we got back to my house, we played frisbee for about five minutes, and didn't get to our normal goal, which was acceptable considering the amount of time in which we had to squeeze this game. he left, and I came in the house. I got online, to see if my Leigh was online, or if Danielle had checked in. seeing my Leigh wasn't online, and Danielle hadn't checked in, I decided to write my Leigh an email. here I am, now in the present. writing this, it doesn't seem so dramatic anymore, but once again, if you were there, you would have been scared, too. end. have a good night. 4.17-18.03

Update: This is and will be forever my daily journal, until the time at which I will be attending college. read if you like, it is kind of like a countdown. a countdown from misery, to her, and happiness eternal. anyway, have a good night. next page starts the end.

Welcome to my world of love, welcome to my space above.