It’s not a hangover it’s not an epiphany it’s fact, it’s me understanding. While you would leave your light on you don’t care much about sacrifice. So I encourage you to go. But if you walk away, I’ll still stand right here. I won’t be waiting for anything but I’ll stand holding a simple card with a few words on it. You won’t care what that card says, you will have walked away. And I won’t wait. But life is tough and it will remind you of just that when you forget. You will need a friend to survive, luckily you keep a revolving list of those Friends, revolving friends are great but their commitment is slight. They’ll come and go and one day they’ll all be gone, and you’ll think you are alone. That’s when the clouds will gather above your head and life will rain down on you, hail will bombard your friendless soul. It’s then you will walk a familiar road. When you walk that estranged path you will find me along the way, I promise. When you find me you’ll smile and I’ll smile because you smile, and I will be standing holding that card “Friend for Life” it will say. With my card in your pocket I’ll be your umbrella for the storm that is life You’ll leave your light on for me, for awhile at least. After the storm passes the card will whither away, or you will just misplace it But future turns to past and history does repeat. Lucky for you I have a endless stack of those cards.

I am so vulnerable, god I wish you would take advantage of me. Submissive is my guard so you won’t need lingerie. I don’t share the definition of sexy with my culture, you don’t either which is why maybe I like you. Take advantage of my tenderness and let’s feel each others intensity for a night. I know, I know it’s not becoming of either of us… but think about it. We will define the word awesome like a wide-eyed kid when he sees his first centerfold. You with your dirty mind and I with my temperance. You want to finally live? You want to feel alive? We could live together and share one another, inside and out. I’m no pervert and you’re no floozy. I should just forget it. I want a lover that I can love, but I would just as much like to settle down with you, just you. Not to bask in our celibacy but to bask in one another, together.

it's been awhile, over a year now. i'm starting to use songmeanings more now that it's summer and i am unemployed. i'm debating if i should start back up with this journal, if anyone takes the time to tell me i should or i "might as well" , then i guess i will. anyway here are a few simple facts of life: having mono sucks. looking for a job is worse than working having something to look forward to can make all the difference