I got my free FFXI HDD bundle today for free ::dances::. Later on this week i need to reactivate my college app and register for classes. And thursday i have an interview with Toys R Us. I hope that goes well than i could finally get myself a debit card and play FFXI ::Dances:: lol i need to stop doing that...

if you want to view my past few journal entries since song meeanings was down you can check out my entries at http://www.livejournal.com/users/s0nlxaftrsh0ck/ feel free to post whatever you want at it...but please no stupid bull crap ok?

§0ñ‡× song of the moment TOD - intelligence (yeah i know but this song just r0x my s0x) I miss her...i miss her dearly but ill never be able to let go of her. Though she is laying comfortably in someone elses arms...i'll never be able to comfort her. Why? I don't want to be alone...not anymore...not at all..i dont care how our relationship goes no sex has to be involved at all just as long as i have someone. People...i know you will feel lonely and even rejected...don't do anything stupid such as suicide. It's not an easy way out it's shear stupidity and really selfish don't at all. Just listen to your music and cry...even if you cant like me..I can't cry..no matter how depressed i sometimes get its hard for me to cry. ill get choked up...but can never shed a tear...i want to scream at my pillow at night sometimes i even dream of killing my dad or wounding him badly...i can't tear these thoughts away from my brain its neverending. I wanna find me...but i cant i keep getting lost in the abyss of lifes junctions and cycles. There arent straight paths they will always be bumpy. Until i find who i am and what my ideas are...i guess...ill find some one.. - - - - - - - - ....or just become an asshole...;x..naaaaah....ill just play it safe and stick to being a good guy HA!

§0ñ‡× song of the moment TOD - Intelligence I have to admit this new Trail of Dead album is fucking kick ass! It makes me feel so bad that I had to download this album...it really does so what im gonna do is save up on some CA$H! And find this album and get it. So i can view all the extra's on it. Ahh...it's May...Yay...School is almost done right? W00t but still im going to be graduating which im kinda glad for...yet...i don't want to leave just yet...there is still too much for me to do...(secret crushes...that i have yet to tell that i like them) I'm going to be moving soon also in 2 weeks. ::sighs:: This is going to be one weird year...extremly weird i think ill be well adjusted to the new apartment by october or so...if not...than im going to move out and try to come into this apartment. I grew up here...Walt Whitman the famous poet was born here...I don't want to leave a piece of history behind me like this. I guess i can always keep it in memory and when i get a car. I'll drive past this building with a friend or my just by myself. Or walk down here...and listen to my MP3 player....all the way from manhattan...to brooklyn... Besides it will be good excercise for me. I need a job so badly also...i'm always broke, the only time i can have a job is during the summer gotta continue this later...

§0ñ‡× song of the moment....At the Drive-In - One Armed scissor This may sound weird to some of you people but...to me its not. On a saturday night in summer or spring and its really cool outside and the breeze comes from my windows. I feel the refreshing air evaporating all the dampness off my body...but for some reason...it depresses me. Yeah...the wind..it depresses me...its like...ill enjoy it for a few seconds but in the middle of it...it just depresses the shit out of me always wondering why isnt there somebody next to me to share this breeze with? I wouldnt mind having someone I love right next to me and feel that breeze and see that moon and gaze at that star and talk about how beautfiul the night is. I can't and that pisses me the fuck off. But once that breeze is done...it leaves me with a depression for awhile. It's as if someone just blew their depression on to me. Someday...i'll find someone...i'll find you...or you'll find me...but for now... "its all so stupid...this game with cupid cant decide which route to fly" is the lyric that im gonna live by... §0ñ‡× ending song Junction 18 - Lucky as mars

§0ñ‡× Song of the moment...Soilwork - Light the Torch ::Sighs::You ever had a person you liked and you thought they liked you. So you kinda tried to...ask them out? But it finds out they have someone else already? Yeah well thats my dillema right here, And you know what sucks about it...I can't really stop liking her. She's just so cute to me...smart too..and short >_> lol. But also...I feel like im doing a mistake again because I've done this before. I had concentrated on a girl I liked...but already has a b/f so im pratically committing a mistake all over again aren't I? So for now...I'm not gonna try anymore...I'm not gonna look for love anymore not until college ill try again maybe...See what happens there. But for now I'm just gonna get through High School and try to pass my fucking math class.... §0ñ‡× ending song Soilwork - Overload

I wonder what kinda stuff am i supposed to put in here...? Is this one of those anything goes journals?