i've spent years trying to direct my life in a positive direction -trying to fight against the odds, against my background, against myself. and i don't know if i made any changes that wouldn't have occurred naturally anyhow. and i dont know if i tried so hard that i prevented everything i wanted. but i do know that i was too excited and forgot i had the chips in the back seat. and that one little oversight turned my entire world upside down. and not just my world. and i dont know if it was for the better, or if it ruined me. i'd like to think i'm not ruined. but if i am ruined it was a long time coming. its really hard to keep up like this, trying to come up from behind and get in front and sustain. getting so close, touching it, and then its nothing again. its there. rather, i'm nothing again. i think its better to aim high and utterly fail than to aim within reason and utterly fail. if failure is inevitable, its easier to accept when you never had a chance anyhow. pieces die when you cant achieve what you thought you had by default already.

if anybody actually reads this, i want you to disregard all the comments i wrote about hoobastank being my favorite band. they were. they used to rock. and then they massively pussed out and sold their souls to lite radio.