okay...so im kinda liking matt not the one i was talking about before a new one! and last night was the best night of my life yet the worst!!! alright so asia and kali got drunk and we're talking throwing up all over drunk, me and matt made a good team we took care of them. but it was so funny when they were drunk but it was a pain in the ass to take care of them! specually asia! o-well though! i guess i cant do that but matt said he woud be mad if he were me! cuz like i cant drink cuz of my liver thing and matt thinks its fucked up to drink in front of me which doesnt bother me then when i got to thinking about it, it does now! i mean he doesnt even have what i have and he still understands! which i think is so awesome!so after we got done taking care of the drunk people, me and him talked from like 3 something till like 6! it was kewl! 1st guy that has ever friggin talked to me till the sun came up!!! i dunno its weird! kali and asia are just fucked cuz wheather they like it or not theyre gonna get caught! i havnt slept till like 2 pm. last night and here i am at 7:36 not tired and typing this! i think i just needed to get it out! i mean asia and kali dont owe me or anything they dont and wont even remember so it dont matter! i will just be here for them! i mean me and matt made pretty damn sure that ya kno they were alright! now matts crashed and im watching jimmy nutron with dana and typing this! anyways i dunno i guess i wont be mad at them but matt does have a good point it is kinda fucked up to drink in front of someone with a liver problem! i dunno im just doing alot of thinking now i guess. well tonight....no worries or regrets i took care of my friends (who were by the way fucking hilarious when they were drunk) i better go! a grown up is up lol! layter!

And that's what you get for fallin' again You can never get 'em out of your head And that's what you get for fallin' again You can never get 'em out of your head It's the way that he makes you feel It's the way that he kisses you It's the way that he makes you fall in love She's beautiful as usual with bruises on her ego and her killer instinct tells her to be aware of evil men And that's what you get for fallin' again You can never get 'em out of your head And that's what you get for fallin' again You can never get 'em out of your head It's the way that he makes you feel It's the way that he kisses you It's the way that he makes you fall in love It's the way that he makes you feel It's the way that he kisses you It's the way that he makes you fall in love, love Pretty girl... Pretty girl... Pretty girl is suffering while he confesses everything Pretty soon she'll figure out You can never get 'em out of your head It's the way he makes you cry It's the way that he's in your mind It's the way that he makes you fall in love It's the way that he makes you feel It's the way that he kisses you It's the way that he makes you fall in love, love now this is basically my song right now that im feeling sept for the pretty girl part! and its just krazy! i mean i must be covering my sadness and etc. from my friends pretty good! i dont want them to be like oh dont worry about it cuz i do all the time! thats basically the only thing running through my mind these days! ive been thinking but i am still so confused! and i guess that IS what i get for falling again cuz i CAN NEVER get him out of my head! i kno gay but tru! i hate this and this is the part where i should be figuring all of this stuff out but im still lost and so confused! i hate it ALOT! but i just think that i will be waiting forever for someone at this point! its GAY! oh well i mean i just think as much as my friends think its not bugging me it is sooooooooooo much!!!!!!! i think thats it for now! layter!

i guess this is my special journal....so i guess i will tell you about whats up...matt is really confusing, i mean he always is all mean and shit and then he calls me outta the blue then like a few weeks layter hes not my friend then he calls and tells me he is! i dunno whats going on i mean i thought he liked sarah! i just dunno if i wanna be with him that much anymore. i kinda have a feeling like if hes asking me out itll be a trap, im not saying im all great and everything to tell you the truth i would do the same thing to me if i was him. and i hate that!!!!! its like im not gonna be to great for other guys and they wont be good for me right now im thinking that maybe matt is the only one i need but im just not seeing it. hes the only one that ment the world to me. i guess i just dont wanna break his heart again! thats why i dont wanna hassel with it plus he is mean when hes not going out with you, you are either his g/f or nothing but now im glad he got passed that but i just wish he would permently stay my friend, but maybe the only reason he does that is cuz he knos in the end we might end up together. i just dont get why he would ever take me back! to tell you the truth i am over him but in a way he still means the world to me! im just confused and i kno he still means the world to me but i just dont get why he would take me back! maybe its cuz he knos he means the world to me cuz in the end it still wont matter he is still my everthing(sept my friends they are more then my everything) even if i wanna deni it but i kno and he will be. its krazy but right now im just so confused!! no one to talk to really, but i can flush out everything im thinking in this!!!!! so yea. theres lots of thinking happening and lots of maybes and not too sures. i hope i will relize something soon to take this weight off my shoulders and finally figure out what i should have known all along! it hurts to think that matt might be the only one i will REALLY be happy with! that kinda scares me and my friends think i should just forget it but they dont kno how hard it is for me. i cant just let him go, i almost did until today and the phone call and him inviting me to the park to watch fireworks with him and some other people! its hard just looking at him knoing what i did to him but i just dunno he does mean the world to me or maybe he doesnt i dunno anything for sure right now! i hate that i think thats so dumb but you never kno what will happen i just dont kno! anyway i got that out, layter!