life is changing a lot. i went through a large warphole it feels like over the past couple weeks. i have felt lost and everchanging in directions that are unknown. i think that i have pushed a little too hard but not exactly soft enough with my actions. i have been feeling more and more prone to enjoying life and giving up serious ideas and views. i want to couch surf, go to college, get a degree, and chill massively during the summer months with friends like i used to. i am going to make life better, i know i am. if i cry again like i had before i am going to have to put myself out of my misery. i had a trip that there were two personalities of mine, one was serious and wanted a future, one was happy and had to have fun and not care, but i coudn't manage to combine the two without destroying one or the other but i swear life is pushing them back together now that i have been putting things into prespective again. i may have to start acting and dressing like i used to, to prove this to me- again. i need to show more apathetic feelings toward things that don't deserve attention now. it's mine. my way of showing i care. it's a responsibility of mine and i wish not to abandon such ideals and beliefs as they are the basis for my existance. so hopefully people will watch me now.

well, i hard plus-44 today. it seems not too promising at all but i have this idea that the demo song was just released to piss off tom so whatever i suppose.

this one song is completely amazing, it is by a song that last.fm recommended me (god bless that website) called M83. they are almost like most shoegazer, but they've got things together really well as far as clean vocals and majestic ones. i've heard nothing like this in awhile. the song is called "don't save us from the flames". that's the song i like the most right now.

i have still been into bright eyes quite a bit. it's all i've been listening to. now i guess i have to say this. my friend adam has invited me to his college with my friend steve. he was leaving around three. they invited me to go the day prior but told me they weren't going anymore. steve left for adams house shortly prior to three o clock and they supposedly never went and steve got online to tell me just that which was even more suspicious. i think that another friend of theirs could go so they took them instead and just decided to lie to me. why else would steve have visted him for like fifteen minutes before he left? i think that's sort of odd. also, this girl named emelia she has ignored me when i was spilling out only to say she had her attention somewhere else and was laughing, and then she told me to go away when i said something like i wasn't laughing and i was just giggling a bit and she told me to go off to bed, how lame is that. i don't want to go off to bed. i want to talk to you. she's no good. and there is this guy named steve, he has hit on all my ex girlfriends and he has said that i'm not myself, that i'm not really who i am and who i've been. he says this and it fucks with me, i don't think he realizes it does, because i know who i am and i know what i want and this IS me and this is who i am, no matter what. and there was this girl named britney that i knew, she was friendly but just plain evil and exploitive about things out of nowhere. amanda thought she was better than everyone and she was fueled with hatred. you know, i really wish i could get some decent friends, ones that knew the difference between right and wrong like i know. so yeah, bright eyes is nice. i listened to 'down a rabbit hole' over and over and over and over last night, it's just that great.

well today my likings happen to be a band called bright eyes, older bright eyes that is. i am just really chilled out by this whole acoustic thing with all the calming voice. very down to home and chilled out, and somewhat meloncholy saddening- kind of like i used to feel when i listened to the weakerthans or the shins. it's great stuff.

i have been recently devouring myself with bands like xiu xiu, minus the bear, and the one am radio. i'm listening to circa survive right now and quite happy with it.