well, i accidentally submitted that last journal entry before i was done with it. the edited version is now in my profile. apparently the corrections don't show up here...umm ok apparently they do...

current music: third eye blind - wake for young souls wow i am seeing third eye blind in like 30.5 hours. amazing. i can't even believe it. do you know how it is when you are just waking up or just going to sleep and you are like half awake, and you think of something, and you just think about it differently than you would if you were awake? wow this is kinda hard to explain. but that happened today when i was waking up and i was thinking about the concert. it's like you are capable of this entirely different level of comprehension when you aren't fully awake. ah too hard to explain, but maybe you know what i mean. i also woke up with a really bad headache today. i think i need to go to the doctor. i have had way too many headaches lately.

why is it that at most of the concerts i've been to, one of the performers has said, "texas has the most beautiful women..."? well, i guess it's because they think so. i think it's interesting.

current music: third eye blind - blinded i fell in love with third eye blind all over again tonight. i am seeing them live on the 15th, and i decided i would listen to all of their albums and read the lyrics, especially so i could learn out of the vein better. and i was just realizing again how amazing they are. their first cd is so important to me and i associate it with so many parts of my life, and i will never ever get tired of listening to it. and i am loving a lot of out of the vein too. several of the songs are really starting to grow on me. i hope the concert is as awesome as i think it's going to be.

current music: something corporate - konstantine it kind of sucks always being the last one awake. kyle used to be good at staying up w/ me but he has allowed himself to slip into a normal sleeping schedule, and since cam is gone i don't have much to do. i'm suffering from a bout of jealousy right now. i don't really want to say why. and i know it's not really a big deal and i know i shouldn't be, but you know how it is when your mind has a little something to go on and it just creates the worst situation that could possibly exist? and i don't want to play games and i know i should just bring this thing up that i'm worried about, but then it's like i want to wait for him to say something, but then it would seem like test of whether i can trust him or not, but it's really not like that at all and it's not like i need to do that. anyone who is reading this is probably thinking this is something much more serious than it is. of course it's not a big deal, but to me it is. being an extrememly jealous and possessive person also sucks. i wonder if everyone in a relationship is like this or if i am worse than the average person. it's not like i don't want him to have a past, but things from his past upset me, and they really shouldn't, considering he didn't even know me then. it's like i won't let myself be totally happy. and i know there will never be anyone who doesn't have a past or who isn't attracted to other people but it's a little hard to accept that. but i would rather know that than be oblivious to the truth...

ok, this is entirely too weird. the other night when i was all depressed about not being involved in dance this year, i came onto song meanings to see the latest journal entries and get my mind off of it. and then i saw finchguy's post "movies, sleep, and...ballet?" and i was thinking, "i can't escape it." and then i came on today, and i was thinking, "ok, there's no way the journal entries up right now are going to have anything to do with dance, and it will be ok." and then the first journal entry listed was by finchguy, author of the aforementioned entry. ok, maybe it's not that weird, but at the time it seemed like it was. especially since i was surprised to see a post that had the word ballet in it in the first place because that had been on my mind already...and the other reason it's weird is that i've been listening to the finch cd nonstop lately...

current music: finch - three simple words (that's kinda funny...the music for my first two entries was flinch and finch) maybe it's just because it's always a little emotional when things come to an end, but when it gets to be the last day of the school year, i start thinking things like, "you know, this work really isn't so bad..." but i know that i wouldn't rather be in school. i guess it's just a little depressing to me because i know that something that has been in my life for 9 months isn't going to be there anymore, even if it is school. but it's definitely not as bad as it was in high school (as far as the being depressed part) which i guess is a bad thing in itself because this year the classes weren't fun enough for it to be that sad that they're over. from my experience so far it seems like the teacher/student connections just don't happen like they did at my high school. and i'm sure it's different at different colleges, but since you only spend half of a year in all of your classes you don't have the time to get to really know people. and the class environment just isn't as fun as it was...for the most part anyway. lately i've just been missing a lot of things about high school. the atmosphere around here is already different than it was the first semester, and i don't really like it. it's like in the beginning we were all getting to know each other and everything was new and fun and different and now everyone has kind of settled in...

current music: flinch demo song as kate said in the title of her latest journal entry, i love pretending that i don't have anything i'm supposed to be doing. the things that i should be doing right now are writing my final paper for my shakespeare and film class (i am kinda working on that) and studying for my history of dance class. the cool thing about college is you get to take classes like that. in 3 days my freshman year of college will be over, and that's really hard for me to believe. i keep thinking back to a year ago at this time when we were counting the days until the end of the school year, and this year before i even have time to think about it it it's over. the year has gone by amazingly fast. one quarter of the way through my college career...i keep fighting with myself over the idea of keeping an online journal. and i keep thinking that people who do it do it because they want or need some kind of attention that they're not getting. if it really is such a personal thing, why do you need other people to read it? but if i'm going to be honest with myself i'd have to say that there is something appealing about putting a part of yourself out there and seeing what people think about it, and maybe someone out there will be able to connect with what you say. but the bottom line is, i just don't let myself get obsessed with any kind of internet community anymore. it's easy for it to happen, but it's not the way i want to spend my life. but i decided that leaving something on here every once in a while can't hurt...