this is the worst time of the semester, i cant stand finals... im soo not prepared for these... i need to do good but i fear and know that i will not be able to live up to the expectations that i have for myself, but what can i say, i dont think im cut out for this anyway... heck ill live with it and get through it

i dont know if it is a good thing, i hate being here... but i cant stand being home. what is one to think when they see ppl and they feel sick, or upset... just want the pain to go away

i made what i believe is the best decision... so im happy... but now i remember what mad me sad before... i hate this feeling, i want it to go away... i just want to be happy... i need to be happy, y cant i just be "narmal"... it would have made life so much easier... i just want to have the life that i dreamed of, but i feel that it is fading away faster thank i can think of it... why does it have to be like this... i just wnt to smile and be happy... and i dont think that i will be able to pretend anymore... i just want to be happy...

Torn in two.. that is how i feel... between two things that i should do... but what do I want? i dont know... i am down to an hour to decide... what will i do.... what will i do?

i cant believe that i just realized that SM was back up, maybe i just couldnt get it here at my school or something because of firewalls, but i have been waiting forever... as long as the posts dont suck then i will be happy.... but lets hope that the posts kick and are funny, i know that some already are funny as snot, so that makes me happy